The Great Plotnik

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Marginal Utility

Barb, the economist, taught me about Marginal Utility. It boils down to this: the first sip of coffee tastes best. Every sip thereafter delivers less pleasure. 

She says it was the same with cigarettes, especially the first one in the morning. First puff: pure heaven. Each puff after: less heaven. 

How about love? You remember your first love, your first kiss, your first corkscrew behind your back juke juke off the glass nothing but net. Oh, right, we're talking about love. 

Watching Magic never got old. Watching Kobe never got...oh, wait. Did you see last night's game?

Steph, on the other hand, pure joy. We've had two years of this and the M.U. Is still 1,000 Hedon Units. Sure it will end. Not for awhile I hope. Mr. Barrista, one more cup of your sweetest, please.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Would You Buy a Perfume With This Name?

Obviously, people in Bari don't know Douglas.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Wake Up

This trip, especially the trip home, really kicked our rear ends. Despite trying very hard to stay awake, fell asleep at 9 last night and woke up at 2:30. Now it's 11am and I can barely keep my eyes open. #directflights #shorterflights #businessclass #gotobednow.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Duck on her Stone Stairway

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

YES on E

I Absentee Voted this morning, since we're planning to run away from home in a few days. There is only one thing on the entire ballot I feel strongly about: YES on E.

This the the ballot initiative Air BnB is spending so much money to defeat -- basically it says if your neighbor turns his house into a hotel with people coming and going all day and all night, to your extreme dismay seeing as you live in a residential not a commercial neighborhood, you can sue them to stop. You can blame Air BnB and you can blame the owner of the house and hold them responsible.

Believe me -- we have lived through this once, and it can be a disaster. I urge you to vote YES on E and at least give the rest of us a chance. You can still rent out rooms in your house if you want to, but if you abuse the privilege your neighbors have some leverage to make you comply with the law.

That's it.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Dodger Colors and The B*b's B*g B*y

Back home after a great weekend in L.A. The report is not so wonderful about Mummy Plotnik, but she can't get any younger and parts start to wear down. It's disconcerting to hear her bones creaking when she walks, but she can still toddle to the table and puts away more food than a long-distance trucker.

At the game we saw Cousin Brother Two Names and Elsa, dressed in Dodger blue, and Cousin Seattle and C-Herman Punster, dressed in Dodger white, while brother Shmeckl Plotnik wore Don Gambino sunglasses while speaking fondly of Mike Trout. The next day we saw The Great Nefnik and Cousin Flower Girl, and then at the airport on Monday ran into Tiaposian F-Christmas and his lady Alice. So this trip was three innings of ecstatic, a lot happy and only a little bit sad and reflective.

You may wonder why the B*b's B*g B*y, above, is dressed up in Dodger Away-Gray. We can't figure it out either.  But before the game, for old times' sake, Brother Shmeck and Plotnik stopped at B*b's B*g B*y in Toluca Lake. In the old days, going back to our deep youth, Shmeck was good for three B*g B*ys and I for at least two, plus a diced ham-and-cheese salad for me and chili-and-spaghetti for him. I thought this was the finest food on our planet.

We decided to split one B*g B*y at the restaurant and take a few to the game. We ordered, the waitress brought the food and the bag of take-out, we split the burger and, believe me, it's the foulest piece of crap-on-a-bun this side of Jack in the Box. GODAWMIGHTY it's awful! Was it always? Really? 

HOW has B*b's B*g B*y remained an L.A. icon? The place was packed with young and old. Even Shmeck admitted the burger was basically inedible, and for Shmeck and Plot to share an opinion about food forces you to listen carefully for the truth is being spoken. 

We carried the take-out B*g B*ys into the game (they let us bring in sandwiches which could have been filled with C-5A explosives, but not a small bottle of cold water). We offered them to our first set of cousins, who instead pulled out these fantastic-looking roast beef sandwiches they'd brought in, which they ate in front of us, the smells overcoming us with desire as we remembered that the seagulls wouldn't eat what we had brought, and then we tried the other set of cousins, who smiled politely, took the sandwiches to their seats and hurled them onto the field. In the Seventh Inning, Chase Utley slipped on a B*g B*y and accidentally tapped the Mets shortstop on the hind hoof. A B*b's B*g B*y brokeTejada's leg, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Monday, October 05, 2015

Olives and Baseball

We get to think about baseball this week and the Good Guys play at least three more games. I'll fly down to see Game Two in Stiletto City this weekend, and then spend some time with Mom. After that, well, we'll just see.

Looks like the Cuba trip is going to be postponed, due to December pricing and also that we just got a letter from our friends who were here during the summer, and who live in Bologna. It looks like it's a good olive year and they've invited us to come for the harvest on their family property in Calabria. We just may do it -- expensive as it is to fly to southern Italy, it's no more than getting to Havana in December from San Francisco.

The last possible day for any baseball to be played, should any team, you know, that we might favor, though the thought is unlikely, actually get that far, would be November 4. Harvest starts around November 8. Just sayin'.