Cookies! Cookies? Cookies! HAR HAR HAR!

Here is Plotnik, sitting in a very comfy, cushy chair at XOXO Coffee. It's nice to bring the computer down and hook up to the XOXO Wireless Network, seeing as The Great Plotnik World Headuarters is temporarily internet-less.

He feels a little guilty, because he already drank his coffee at home and read the awful newspaper, so he hasn't ordered the overpriced coffee. Instead, he's using the underpriced (free) wireless internet.

What happened? Wednesday night, while watching some forgettable drivel on TV...BANG. The cable box shut off. It could not be restarted. The internet was still working though, and since it comes into the house on the same cable as the TV signal, Plot figured the problem had to be with the cable box.

So yesterday he and Duck drove down to SlimeCast Cable Co after a delicious lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Silent Bill.

At SlimeCast, Plot and Duck waited in a long line of customers, most of whom appeared to have come down simply to pay their bills and bitch about it, loudly, while the poor Latino security man had to keep smiling at them; his eyes, however, betrayed malevolent curses.

The Slime Tech gave Plotnik a new box, saying (mysteriously) "...it's a funny thing. All these 1612 boxes seemed to crash last night. They're all being returned for new 1616 boxes."

"Perhaps this is not a coincidence," said Ducknik, formulating her "Cable Boxes Pre-Programmed To Die On Schedule" theorem.

"HAR HAR HAR," said the cable technician and gave Plotnik a new box, remote control and extra remote control for BZWZ's room.

Plotnik and Ducknik drove home, first stopping at the fruit stand on the corner, where there was another long line of customers, most of whom appeared to have come down simply to ask pointless questions of Nancy, the Latina counter girl, like: "Is this organic celery fresh? When will you get in more organic celery? Why does the organic celery not come in on Thursdays? Can you make Organic Celery Compote with this organic celery or do you need to make Organic Celery Compote with a different organic celery?"

This was Plotnik's second long line in an hour. He thought, perhaps a little loudly: "Why don't you take that organic celery and stick it up your fresh, organic, free-range..."

"NEXT!" called Nancy.

Plotnik was still fuming. "Do you have organic sawo-wee? Don't you have organic sawo-wee? Do you still have organic sawo-wee?"

When he and Duck got home he plugged in and reconnected the new cable box. The TV worked perfectly, but now he noticed a new button blinking ominously on the cable modem. Sure enough: No internet.

He went upstairs to BZ's room: That cable box doesn't work any more either.

There is a very old lady in the comfy chair next to Plotnik, reading the Morning Sawo-Wee Wrap (formerly the Fish Wrap). Every few minutes she says, to no one: "Why, one time a young man, I believe it was 1968, needed to find a room, and I told him why don't you look upstairs? I believe they have rooms up there? but I don't know if he ever found a room. Upstairs. That man."

and

"HAR HAR HAR they're closing the Bay Bridge over the holiday. Idiots! HAR HAR HAR!"

Just now she said:

"Cookies."

This got Plotnik's attention. He holstered his mouse, turned to his comfy chair crazy lady neighbor.

"Cookies?" he asked.

"Cookies!" she laughed. "HAR HAR HAR!"