Still Mad About That X-Ray

Plotnik didn't need that extra set of x-rays that his dentist Dr. U. Flossem insisted on taking yesterday, especially after he admitted to Plotnik that the only reason he was taking them was that new state standards limit the amount of radiation a patient can endure during any one visit, so if they're going to have a complete yearly set of x-rays, they have to do it in two shifts now.

Screw that. Plotnik should have said he didn't want the x-rays. He knew he didn't need them, and he also knew what ever they should show he wasn't going to do anything about it because nothing hurts.

I mean, when you go for your yearly physical, do they take a complete set of x-rays? No. If you tell them your foot hurts they x-ray your foot.

Dr. U. Flossem has been going on about one or another of Plotnik's wisdom teeth for years. First he says "Are you flossing the same amount as always?" and Plotnik says "hmmmm." Dr. Flossem doodles something on his pad and asks "Do you have any extra sensitivity in that molar?"

"No."

"I see. Well, we'll just keep our eye on it."

Which eye? The eye on the balance sheet or the eye that is hooked into the new computerized rating service? The one that sends you an e-form to fill out before and after each visit, rating your doctor and asking if there isn't anything else they can do to enhance your experience at the dentist? They want to know about their choice of music. WE DON'T CARE. They want to know if the receptionist smiles enough. WE DON'T CARE. They want to know if the magazines are all right. WE DON'T CARE.

Plotnik wrote them back the first time: "The thing I want from my dentist is my dentist. If I didn't like my dentist I wouldn't care about your stupid magazines."

He received a reply that sounded like this: "Thank you for taking the time to respond to your health care provider concerning the issues about which you took the time to respond to your health care provider concerning the issues about which you took the time to respond."

He wrote them back the second time: "Please stop taking surveys."

Anyway, nothing can stop them and nothing can stop the x-rays. Unless Plotnik says no. That's all he has to do. No surveys. No x-rays. Just clean the teeth. Clean the teeth.

P.S. --- come to think of it -- there was NO muzac yesterday. Plotnik's dental experience HAS been enhanced.