Beautiful Belly Doesn't Do Surveys

After returning home from Seattle Plotnik got two surveys, one in the mail, one on e-mail.

The one in the mail was to rate his experience at California State Parks. "Well, I like State Parks," he thought, so he filled it out, only to discover at the end that it was just a sham to get him to subscribe to Sunset Magazine. So he trashed it, thinking: to hell with California State Parks.

The one on e-mail was to rate his experience at the Courtyard Marriott in Bellevue, WA, which had been perfect. But the survey was page after page after page. By the last half Plotnik was filling in anything at all just to be allowed to leave. How old are you? 90-100 CHECK. How many pleasure trips have you taken this year? 206 CHECK. How many business trips have you taken this year? 584 CHECK. Check 1-10 if applicable: Were our rooms relaxing? 10. Was the bathroom clean? 10. Did you enjoy fast, enjoyable room service served by friendly, helpful staff members? 0. Were the prostitutes suitably attired? 20. Did the constant rain depress you so much that you shot a staff member? 5. Oh God, really? 0.

How about Did you enjoy it? Will you come back? Was the price right? BUT NO. Everybody has mike fever, even in cyberspace.

She's beautiful, isn't she?