Celtics Versus Cowboys?

It's hot out here. Plotnik hadn't been on the Plotkicycle in too long, and he felt it today. But any day is a good day when the Celtics lose the day before. Finally, they can stop whining.

How good should that feel? After all, Plottie's Lakers were eliminated a month ago, so it's a bitter victory to see the Celtics go out too.

The Great Plotnik has taken some time to consider if he hates the Boston Celtics more than the Dallas Cowboys. It's a hard question, because Boston is in Massachusetts, a great town in a state full of American history. Dallas is in Texas, one of America's most pathetic cities, a concrete freeway that should have no exits. And it oozes its mediocrity in a truly slimeball state.

Let's see, Massachusetts has John Adams. Texas has George Bush. Massachusetts has Concord and Lexington. Texas has Crawford.

So it's easy to hate the Cowboys more than the Celtics, but wait a minute: hold on here. Anyone who has been a Laker fan for decades has had his or her heart torn out by Boston 'way more times than Dallas. So numbers-wise, the Celtics come first on the List of Awfulness.

And since Plottie's niece, the South Carolinian once known as Kazakh Desert Princess, is currently in Austin, Texas right now, where Plotnik has sadly never been, he will exclude Austin from the following suggestion: let's call up General Santa Ana's descendants and see if they'd take the whole damned place back. Forget the Alamo. Slide that ol' border right up to the Oklahoma state line.

We'll keep Austin, El Paso and that great barbecue brisket place in Fort Worth. Mis amigos Mexicanos, you can have the rest of it. Whatever there is of the wall, it's yours.

The Dallas Narcotraficantes: Mexico's Team!