Ducks and Three Birthdays

The ducks who have decided to breed and teach their ducklings to swim in Schmeckl Plotnik's pool remind Plottie 'way too much of the opening of The Sopranos.

Little Bear's birthday dinner was at Morton's Steak House in Newport Beach's "Six Expensive Restaurants in a Row," as the Dominant Force calls it. Think private wine lockers for Special Patrons, leather booths, power lunches and creamed spinach, steaks and chops, plus impeccable service and very good mojitos. L.B. looked wonderful and received a Big Bauble at the end.

Ducknik went shopping for Mummy P.'s birthday, which is next weekend, and brought her four tops to try on. One made the cut. The big problem is we all forget just how thin she has gotten. She liked the white one. There must be a pun about the Four Tops here somewhere. Help me, someone.

For reasons unknown, Cousin Seattle chose these two colors.

In the Continuing Saga entitled "How Not To Get a Hearing Aid," Mummy P. went to her old g.p., who sent her to an ear doctor for (yet another) hearing test. Lillian took her, after Mummy P. promised that this time she would listen to whatever the doctor might suggest. But when the two women got to the office, the doctor would only consult with Mummy P. and would not allow Lillian into the consulting room. Mummy P., of course, told the doctor she didn't need a hearing aid and didn't want one and had no idea why she was there in the first place and no one has any problems hearing her.

That was fine with him. He billed Medicare for two visits and sent the two home with no information, no results from the testing and certainly no hearing aid, in addition to being a demeaning little twit.

So when Plotnik heard this story he asked Mummy P. about it. "I don't remember any of that," she said, and maybe she does and maybe she doesn't. Plotnik called the doctor and he hemmed and wheedled and then promised to mail the test results...as if anyone needs to see them. Mummy P. can't hear a word anyone says. Now, when she says "I didn't catch that," Plot answers "no shit, Mom."

Plot and Duck are home and packing for Minnesota, where Plot and Duck hope to celebrate her birthday in Glacier National Park, staring up at the meteor shower.