The following post was written by Great Plotnik World Fashion Editor Bud "Pretty Toes" Bialik.
"My misguided friend SaculTahtTon just published a comment that said, referring to women's feet: 'Nobody looks at the shoes anyway.'
"Oh, my poor man. You just don't get it, do you? If this were true, women wouldn't spend three times what men do for a pair of shoes. If this were true, there would not be more mani/pedi shops on Hcruhc St. than places to buy water. If this were true, women would not tear up their achilles tendons and lateral menischi wearing stilettos. Perhaps, TahtTon, you are not aware of this, but (I have heard that) even naked women in porno movies, for whom getting naked is, after all, the point -- are never completely naked -- they keep their stilettos on."
Thank you, Pretty Toes, for this edifying post. It reminds The Great Plotnik of one of life's mysteries that he was never able to unravel. While a teenager, he spent great amounts of time at Sorrento Beach. The teenage women in the itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikinis, his chronological age, whose acquaintance he ached to make -- "ached" is not nearly a strong enough word -- seemed to spend all their time sitting on their blankets putting on toenail polish.
Plotnik thought then: "Is anyone really looking at this woman's feet?" But would he voice this out loud? I think not.
Once, Joan, a platonic (which does not and never did rhyme with "Plotnik") friend, who was wearing a white lacy bikini, whose bottom half contained a small black belt, not that Plotnik can still remember it after all these years, asked Plottie: "Do you think my toes look good?"
Honest answer (unspoken): "Oh God do you REALLY think I am looking at your toes?"
Given answer: "Why, Joan, they are lovely."
Many thanks to Pretty Toes Bialik. Well, time to get the chain saw and trim my toe nails.