Rugby and Fish Restaurants

The Great Plotnik has been listening to his dear friends whining about baseball. They see that Plotnik no longer cares about baseball, but has become a fool for rugby. They wonder how the game of rugby has avoided drug scandals.

In rugby, the drug of choice is beer. Rugby players have extremely thick necks, a trait that enables them to swallow a six pack beer by beer, including the can. While in the can, the beer is undetectable (no pun intended), and anyway the testing is done by an independent brewer's association, with gold stars being handed out for the most beer consumed in the shortest time.
 
Rugby players always have 'way more than just one wussy knee problem -- each has, in addition, at least two of the following fractures: knee, elbow, shoulder or neck. Their spleens, lungs and kidneys aren't much good anymore either. They don't miss the spleens, and the lungs were all gooked up with unfiltered Lucky Strikes, but the kidneys? You should see how much beer they USED TO drink.
 
None of these injuries cause rugby players any problem on the field, but they do play havoc with their second jobs as waiters in fish restaurants. It took Plotnik several blank stares to realize the word 'pwanfs' means 'prawns,' when pronounced by moonlighting rugby players with no teeth.

All South African waiters in fish restaurants are or were rugby players, and they are all named Bob, Bill, Colin or Graham. But despite traveling the length and breadth of South Africa and Swaziland, plus three days in Zambia, The Great Plotnik spotted not one waiter nor one rugby player with the name of Plotnik. The Chief PlotskyPlotz of the largest Orthodox Plotnikie congregation in Cape Town is named Graham Colin Bob.
 
So keep your wussyball and press agents and bad knees and steroids, and please bring The Great Plotnik another huge pwatta of pwanfs.