The Unfortunate Lambnik

The Unfortunate Lambnik
Originally uploaded by thegreatplotnik.

The Great Plotnik stares at three boneless lamb filets cut from the leg of The Unfortunate Lambnik. The filets stare back:

"Bahhh?"

"Shut up. I'm going to barbecue you, I just don't know how yet."

"Have you thought about yogurt?"

"Good idea. I'll get some from the fridge."

Plotnik takes a cup of nonfat yogurt and puts it in a bowl.

"On me, not in the bowl," suggests the lamb.

"Calm down. How about..." Plotnik stares at his spices... "cardamom?"

He cracks open a dozen green cardamom pods, mashes them in the mortar with his pestle, or maybe it's in the pestle with his mortar.

"Maybe it's Colonel Mustard with the Lead Pipe in the Billiard Room," says the impatient Lambnik.

"Oh, eat me," says Plotnik.

"I wish."

"Yogurt and cardamom and...garlic. Can't have lamb without garlic." Plotnik bangs his flat cleaver on half a dozen large cloves of garlic, peels off the skin, chops the garlic fine and throws it on top of the cardamom. More pestling.

"I'm gonna be hella tasty," says the lamb.

"You bet you are. Yogurt, cardamom, garlic...lemon, of course, no, make that lime."

"Good choice. The limes from your back yard?"

"Yeah, they're really juicy." Plotnik zests one and squeezes two, throws zest and juice into the yogurt, adds the garlic and cardamom and a touch of salt, and tosses it all on top of the lamb.

"So? What do you think?" The Great Plotnik asks the Unfortunate Lambnik.

"Mmmm...you know, you could use some alfalfa. I like alfalfa."

"Past tense, pal. Sorry, but you are about to become The Great Plotnik Combo 1,130: Lamb Filets in Yogurt and Cardamom, Curried Brown Rice, Grilled Red Pepper and Onion Salad and something green -- maybe arugula with oranges."

"Mmm, I like arugula," says the lamb.

"Thanks for your help," says The Great Plotnik.

"That's what I'm here for," says the Unfortunate Lambnik, his voice dripping yogurt, garlic and sarcasm.