Squirrel Will Keep You Warm

Squirrel God
Originally uploaded by thegreatplotnik.

Squirrel Will Keep Your Feet Warm

The Great Plotnik, spiritual leader of a religious movement as crunchy and delicious as a box of Cheetos, went riding on his Plotkicycle yesterday. Naturally, the wind blew in his face wherever he rode. As he came down Folsom the wind blew up Folsom. When he turned and came up Folsom the wind blew down Folsom.

While on his journey, much like Paul on his road to Tarsus, if Tarsus was Rainbow Health Food Store and Paul had been riding on a Plotkicycle, Plotnik had this revelation about religion:

Choice One: Either there is a practically limitless set of Gods -- you know, the Muslim God, the Jewish God, the Christian God, the Hindu God, the Vegan God, the God Who Loves The Yankees, the God for Squirrels and the God for Hamsters -- and each of these Gods has only one purpose, which is to convert the entire Earth to His way of thinking, regardless of the cost, which is basically the way life has gone since the first unicellular being morphed into Billy Graham, OR...

Example Two: there is only one God, and the other guys are just his generals, and God is smart enough to allow his generals to run the army the way they see fit, seeing as God has already decided it's OK to have as many religions as are necessary to make every person on Earth be able to get comfortable in at least one of them, sort of like being a Presbyterian or being a Buddhist is no different than some people like blue socks and some people like white socks, and the important thing is not what color their socks are but that God likes it when he can help keep everyone's feet warm.