The Great Plotnik

Sunday, May 28, 2006

CAR WASH $3! (Ken Lay in Training)

Fritzie the VW Plotzmobile is a mess. Birds have defiled his Grayness. Plotnik figured he'd find a cheap car wash somewhere.

Yesterday, Ducknik and Plotnik drove to Marin to help some friends paint. On their way home, they saw some girls in t-shirts by the side of the road, waving signs that read: CAR WASH $3!!!!

"Three bucks for a car wash? Let's do it," said Duck. Plottie turned into a dirt area in front of the weathered bricks of Sir Francis Drake High School.

A girl with glasses approached the car: "There are two car washes here," she said. "The first one is for the church. They want to take a trip to Mexico."

"What's the second one?"

"That's for US!" she cried. "The Drake High School cheerleaders!"

"My choice is church or cheerleaders?" Plotnik asked. "Easy. I take cheerleaders."

"Over There!" said the girl, and Plotnik drove Fritzie the VW Plotzmobile over to a spot next to a SUV, which was parked next to another SUV, which was parked next to another SUV, which was parked next to a huge, black Off-Road Guzzler with enormous, studded tires, each one as tall as Fritz.

He ambled over to some steps, where a bunch of teenage boys were lounging while swearing loudly to each other, thinking that was impressing the cheerleaders, who seemed to be interested only in squirting a hose in the vague, general direction of whichever car they found themselves standing next to.

Plotnik instantly remembered the dynamic in those boys' hormonally challenged heads: "I am lusting after every one of these girls. I want that one. And that one. And that one. But they don't want me, they want college guys. My only chance is to impress them. I know! I'll swear a lot!"

Poor sods.

Then Plotnik asked a girl with brown hair who was carrying a cashbox: "So, the sign said $3. Is that the price for the church and also for the cheerleaders?"

"Oh, no," she said. "The church charges $8."

"Wow. How about you?"

"We charge $10."

"Wait," said Plot, glancing at Duck, who was already starting to laugh. "The sign says CAR WASH $3!!!! but the church charges $8 and you charge $10?"

"Heh heh, yes," she said. "The sign's wrong." She held out her hand, waiting for her cash for the bad car wash.

"Heh heh, no," said Plotnik. "We pass."

Duck and Plot got back into Fritzie and left the swearing SUVs, drove onto a sidewalk and back onto Sir Francis Drake.

Dishonesty in advertising? Nah. No remorse. No "Sorry, Sir." Just hands out for my money.

"Ken Lay in training," said Barb.

3 Comments:

At 7:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, good for you for not paying,
we wouldn't either.
mush

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Ha,great story. Sorry about the pick-up game. Maybe they were simply observing Memorial Day?

 
At 9:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wise move in running away. These "cheerleaders" were obviously a front for some Bush-sponsored red-state fascist movement whose intent was to determine just how gulible Californians are. (BTW, "very" is probably the correct answer...)

And high school boys have no idea how lucky they are that cheerleaders want college boys.

 

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