The New Shrine
Problem: The New York Mets. The Great Plotnik has been watching baseball for decades, and NEVER, until yesterday, had he seen two men tossed out at home with ONE THROW! Not only that, but the right fielder, Shawn Green, who threw the ball is an EX-Plotzer!And not only that! He is Jewish! It's Yom Kippur, for Gawd's sake. Shawn Green should have been praying in synagogue and atoning for his sins, but NO! Clearly, these are desperate times. Desperate times call for desperate measures. The solution: A New Shrine. Of course.
So you take the New Yorkiest thing you can find, in this case a photo of Uncle Bob eating a pastrami sandwich at the Second Avenue Deli. (Plus, Bob is a diehard Mets fan.) You print the picture. You find the hottest California hot sauce you can find. To make sure, you use two bottles. You take your Sacred Fernando Valenzuela plastic dingus and place it over the picture, deftly touching both the pastrami and Uncle Bob's beard. You guard the shrine with the hot sauce. Heh heh heh heh it can't fail.
Best of all, The Great Plotnik is sending this entry to Uncle Bob right now. As soon as Bob opens the file, the Mojo begins, he he he he. Oh, this is rich haw haw haw.
posted by DAK @ 9:35 AM
3 Comments:
This is The Great Plotnik himself. I wussed out and didn't sent the notice to Uncle Bob. I couldn't do it to him, although this has probably compromised the Full Measure of Mojo, sigh.
Wow, I just thought I was in some weird loop or something when I saw that The Great Plotnik had left a message for himself. The only thing I have to add tonight is that Craig Ferguson said that the New York Mets was short for New York Metrosexuals. That got a laugh out of me, even at 12:30 a.m.
SEND IT TO UNCLE BOB! IT'S THE ONLY ANSWER! Well, maybe a third bottle of hot sauce. Or a glass of Napa wine.
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