Smiling Bill's Birthday, and a Discussion About Fried Chicken

All that work and all you get is one lousy candle.



To discuss the Front Porch's fried chicken, you have to go back to The Big Shmapple. Once, in that great city, before The Great Plotnik won the cold war, there were two great delis: Katz's and The Second Avenue. The Great Plotnik favored Katz's pastrami and The Great Ducknik favored The Second Avenue's pastrami. Both were awesomely pastramolicious, and the correctness of Plotnik's opinion was never verified, until the Second Avenue suddenly went out of business. Plot and Duck were in town and walked up to the front door, and it was barricaded. People were milling around on the corner and a woman from Hartford, Connecticut, who had driven all the way down to NYC just for a Twin Double, was crying.

So Katz's outlasted the Second Avenue. That doesn't necessarily prove that Katz's pastrami is better than the Second Avenue's was, and, in memory, the Second Avenue's Twin Double with Fries (one smaller sandwich of corned beef, one of pastrami) was really hard to beat. The Second Avenue was red booths and a large menu. It was second generation, a bit refined. Class: Middle. Katz's is linoleum floors and grumpy counter men, first generation. Class: Lower. The Second Avenue used to have cream soda ON TAP. At Katz's you get Dr. Brown's in a bottle. Both were world-class, and one still is.

In this way, y'all, we move to a discussion of the Best (non-homemade) Fried Chicken in San Francisco. The Front Porch is the Second Avenue Deli. The Hard Knox Cafe is Katz's. Mush, Bill and Duck favor The Front Porch. The Great Plotnik is still leaning towards The Hard Knox. The Front Porch has a hipster bar and draft artisan beer. The Hard Knox has aluminum walls and if you want wine you can probably score it from the guy lying on the street around the corner.

True, the Front Porch's chicken is moister, but the Hard Knox's is spicier. At the Front Porch you get two smallish pieces (Chef Kirnon insists on small birds that she says are tastier), but at the Hard Knox you get three large pieces. The Front Porch is a buck or two more, but those grits...wow.

The greens and corn muffins are better at the Hard Knox. The slaw is a killer at The Front Porch. You can get smothered pork chops or shrimp creole at the Hard Knox. You can get dungeness crab in a bowl of grits at The Front Porch. The background music at the Hard Knox is '60s blues. The background music at the Front Porch is '90s Hipster. Both are great.

The phone just rang. It was The Great Fatenik, reminding Plot about Adelman's Deli in Brooklyn. He says it's still as good as ever. In that spirit, Plot has to admit he has heard that Maverick's, in the Mission, also has superb Fried Chicken. Further research is clearly needed. Happy Birthday, Bill.