The Great Plotnik Endorses Obama and NO!

It's time to start thinking about who to vote for on February 5. The Rule of No seems to apply again this year -- which is to say anything that anyone wants bad enough to acquire the signatures to place it as a Statewide Proposition or Referendum will prove to be good for THEM and bad for YOU. Vote NO on everything, even alms for the poor. (If you look closely at Yes on Alms for the Poor, you'll uncover a highway project connecting the sponsor's summer house with Lake Tahoe.) NO. Always.

But that still leaves the issue of President. For the Republicans, Giuliani is an out and out thief (did you see how the NYTimes lambasted their home town boy this week, while endorsing Hillary?) but McCain seems to have lost his mind in Florida, and then there is Romney, who is just...you know...like...squishy. Squealy. He's a package of Ding Dongs -- he has no ingredient that is good for you and he doesn't really taste good either unless you deep fry him. Huckabee is the Boston Braves. Made some sense in 1945.

Plotnik, once again, is very happy not to have to make a Republican choice, but if he had to he'd probably lead towards Giuliani, because at least he cleaned up Times Square. Plotnik wishes Mayor Schmooze-some would pay closer attention.

NO, PLOTNIK IS NOT BECOMING A REPUBLICAN. But he can report a rumor here, on these pages, that may or may not be true, and that all would probably deny under oath if pressed, BUT: The rumor is that a dear member of the extended Plotnik family, whose name will not be divulged without a subpoena (but with whom Plotnik is intending to get stinky rich peddling futures on new islands that are scheduled to begin appearing off the coast of Hawaii within 5,000 years) -- this family member, who is as Republican as apple pie with a file in it, who is almost as Republican as his father was ("I voted for a Democrat once, in 1932. I'm still mad at myself.") -- well, this dear family member, who lives in South Carolina, has voted DEMOCRATIC in the South Carolina primary! Not only that: he has voted for Barack Obama!

Stand up. Pick the ice cubes off the floor and put them back in your Manhattan. Our beloved Red Stater has not changed his stripes and he is not about to attend a conference on How to Make Gay Marriage Work. It's just that he doesn't love any of the Republicans but he DOES hate Hillary Clinton. The chance to vote against her was just too droolily tempting. That huge margin for Obama you read about in The Morning Bag this morning included at least one Anti-Hillary vote...according to a well-positioned source.

The Democratic Primary in California? First off, the Democrats have proven to be duplicitous and ineffectual. How they can keep their pants up with so little backbone must amaze their personal trainers.

BUT: Democrats did not lie us into a war that is slowly bankrupting our country. If there were no other reasons, and there are many other reasons, including financial perfidy, total ineffectualness in governance, astonishing international arrogance and the continuing disgrace of New Orleans -- Iraq alone and what it has done to our country, to say nothing about theirs, provides enough ammo for every American who believes in deomocracy to turn the bastards out on their ear. Every last one of them. Every Republican who followed W and Cheney and Rummie should be voted out of office, and so should every Democrat who voted for the war. Don't count W and Mrs. W and Schmeckl Plotnik, and this ought to be a near-unanimous election: 160,000,000 to 3.

But it won't be. So who do we Democrats vote for? Edwards, Clinton or Obama would all be just fine, as far as Plotnik is concerned. But this time he is going to vote in lockstep harmony with his South Carolina business partner-to-be. It may be the last time, so let's savor it, eh, Aloha-Man? I mean, you know, if the rumor is correct.

Obama it is. Obama is the only one running who has a chance to unite us. Clinton winning means all the people who hate her guts will still be in Congress and there will be continuing name calling and gridlock. Obama gives us all a fresh start.

Forget everything else. A fresh start. Can you ever remember when this has been more important?

Barack Obama and NO! You read it first right here.