A Whopper and a Box of Donuts

Plotnik used to call our local paper the BirdWrap, but now that Mischief Puppy has needed to be walked twice a day, and it has been raining so they've been delivering the paper inside a nice, thick plastic bag, Plotnik has begun to appreciate the crappy news coverage even less but loves the plastic bag a lot. So The BirdWrap has been renamed: The Saint Plotniko Morning Bag.

Last Sunday, the Morning Bag had a long article about how low-fat diets are losing their medical prominence. The article led to this exchange between The Great Plotnik and The Great Ducknik:

"The second they announce it's true," says Plotnik, "I'm heading straight for Happy Donuts."

"You'll be by yourself," says Duck. "I'll be bill-deep in chocolate."

"A sack of donuts," says Plotnik, "and then two Whoppers with Cheese."



"Keep your Whopper," says Ducknik, "but a Hot Fudge Sundae from C.C. Brown's sounds really good."

"C. C. Brown's is closed," Plotnik says, sadly, remembering the best hot fudge in the whole world.

"No matter," says Ducknik.



Once again, Plotnik and Ducknik demonstrate a secret to a lasting relationship: Each person needs a different fantasy to chew on.

When The Great BZWZ comes home, Plotnik has discovered she doesn't eat in the Meatball Kitchen very often. When he asks her what she had the previous night for dinner she usually says: In and Out. Or burritos. Of course, BZ left for Zurich, Nairobi and Dar es Salaam this morning. For the next month she'll be eating lots of najeera, and, apparently, Ethiopian/Italian food too.

That Ethiopian diet would have very little in common with Burger King. On TV, they interview really fat people at Burger King. The women they interview eat there several times a day. They are always surprised to hear that a chocolate milk shake has 1100 calories and enough fat for a week. The interviewers, skinny women from Wellesley, turn to face the camera, shocked at this raw data.

Oh wake up. The truth is, whenever Plotnik sees a Whopper on TV he wants one. He hasn't eaten a real live Whopper in, oh, fifteen years, but he's still addicted. He bets when BZ comes home a Whopper will sound really good to her too. Can you still get those grilled onions on a Whopper?