The Friendly F&%^$%*&#@@ Skies

Aiii, the best laid plans. This time, Plotnik brought his laptop, and his camera cable, and his electronic extras. Of course, it's an Apple Computer, so apparently the wireless card is now broken. So no pictures. And a trip to the Apple Store in Manhattan is now necessary.

It was a decent set of flights yesterday to get from S.P. to La Shmardia Airport -- but only 'decent' in that the plane didn't crash and there were only modest delays. Plane travel in the era of stuff-em-in and then charge-em-extra is no fun at all. It's hot in the cabin, the stewardesses are angry, the people in the next seats are fatter than ever before, and the reading light doesn't work. Worse -- it works for a minute and then blinks off for another minute.

How about this: Coming from Chicago to NYC, the plane was absolutely stuffed with people and luggage. Its takeoff was delayed one hour. By the time Plot and Duck got on, most of the overhead bin space was taken. But Plot spied one place he might try and wedge his roller bag.

But when he looked closer, he found a computer case in the back of the compartment taking up space that is supposed to be allotted for suitcases. So Plot pulled out the computer bag and asked around -- "whose is this please?" No answer. "Excuse me, but who owns this computer case please?" No answer.
"
So Plot put the computer case back into the rack and looked down the aisle -- no space at all left. He could walk away -- and let them charge him $15 to check his bag -- or he could, instead, walk back to the rack, remove the computer bag and say: "OK, whoever you are, I'm putting my suitcase in here."

Which is what he did. The stewardess helped him get it in correctly. Then Plot said for the last time "OK, then. I'm going to give this computer case to the stewardess and you can claim it at the end of the..."

The guy sitting in the window seat said "It's mine."

"Good," said Plotnik. "Isn't there any room beneath the seat in front of you?"

"Not with my long legs," said the 20-something-lawyer-looking-over-entitled-son of a bitch.

"Here you go, Bud," said Plot. "Life's tough for everybody." The man took his computer case, stuck it under the seat where it was supposed to go, and Plot took his seat, furious still.

He stuffed his carry-on, filled with his computer that doesn't work anymore, under the seat in front of him. His legs no longer fit anywhere, including on the ends of his feet. The plane took off. They were past Pittsburgh before Plot remembered to stop being mad, and look at his crossword puzzle. Then the light went off. And on. And off.