Product

Amazing as this will sound, The Great Plotnik, though the exalted leader of a Minor Western Religion, is no fonder of his hair than most other people. But he is thankful to have enough left to worry about, so you'd think he'd want to tend it a little more. No. He always takes a week or two longer than he should to call Light Fingered Liz and arrange to meet her first thing in the morning at her shop. He is also cheap.

He usually waits until The Great Ducknik says: "You really need to call Liz."

For years Plotnik cut his hair short, primarily because the women in TIAPOS told him he looked better that way, though he never thought so and never liked having short hair, except for the first two weeks when he didn't have to even look at it in the mirror in the morning because there was nothing to look at. But at some point after The Great PunkyDunky moved to Brooklyn, Plotnik began to reconsider.



The thing was that when short gray-haired Plotnik appeared in a photo with long dark-haired TGPD, Plotnik always looked old. Feeble. Balding. There the two would be, in the park holding Isabella, or on their bikes, or in a restaurant, and one would appear, well, long-haired and important and the other would appear, well, short-haired and, like, not important.

This would not do. So Plotnik decided to ditch the short-haired cool punk look and go back to the long-haired Berkeley intellectual again. He spoke to Light Fingered Liz and she worked out a plan.



The problem is LFL's solution always involves "product." "Put a little product in your hair when you take a shower." "Use some product and your hair will look shinier." "All you need is a little product."

Plotnik don't need no steeeeeenking "product."

On the other hand, he does love the way his hair looks for the 24 hours after LFL gets done with it. It will look the same way six weeks later for another 24 hours.

Plotnik has had men cut his hair and women cut his hair and his vote is for women. It's such a sensual experience, and he likes all the parts of it, even the nose hair trim. LFL has learned it's never a good idea to do that stylist thing where they show you the back of your head in a hand mirror, so you can, I don't know, see the back of your head that you'll never notice anyway.

Svetlana used to always do that. "Here's from the back. Is nice, da?" Plotnik doesn't go to Svetlana anymore.

Because Plotnik doesn't look at the back of his neck, he focuses in on his, ah, thinning patch, which is ONLY visible, by him, when the stylist throws a freaking MIRROR in his face and says "Is good, da?"

NO you're not getting a BLOG PHOTO of Plotnik's bald spot, what's WRONG with you people?



Boy, is Plotnik happy he erased the next part which was going to be about, well, the fantasy of having his hair cut by, well, you know it's just, well, that's why they invented the DEL key.