Pretend Photos

(Blogger is all screwed up this morning. You're not looking at a really cool picture of the multicolored potatoes Plotnik pulled out of the tubs in the backyard potato plantation next to the artichoke fields.)

The Great Plotnik World Headquarters Meatball and Brisket Kitchen is in full swing, even though the Great Plotmeal does not happen until tomorrow night. Like Chick Hearn used to say, the potatoes are picked, the briskets are cooked and the gravy is chillin', the beets are marinatin' and the whip cream is gettin' hard.

(You're not looking at a photo of a 10 1/2 pound piece of uncooked beef brisket. For those who don't eat beef, this photo would probably make you sick.)

There are only a few rules for a Passover: you must have as many guests as can fit around the table, you have to eat something you grew yourself and the youngest person must search for the missing matzo afterwards. This year the youngest person may be 50. You don't have to spend so much time hiding it. The older they are, the worse their eyes are.

Plotnik is planning to pay off with Chilean pesos this year. At 5,000 to the dollar you think you're gettin' rich.

(You don't see that crisp 5,000 peso bill.)

It's actually kind of cool to pretend you're posting photos.

(You aren't looking at Plotnik stuffing a basketball over Kobe Bryant.)