Has Been Laden

Plotnik was looking at that by-now iconic video of Numbnuts on the Lawn Mower, with the American flag attached to the back of it, driving through a huge mowed field on his souped up garden tractor shooting his gun in the air while screaming USA! USA! USA!

This meant Osama bin Laden is dead.

OK, it's true. Your spiritual guide The Great Plotnik was happy to hear we'd finally found bin Laden, dispatched him and tossed his sorry bearded ass into the ocean to pollute a few mackerel.

More than happy. There are nasty people in the world. He seemed to be one of them, though he wasn't the Beatles. He didn't have tons of hits, only one. He was like Question Mark and the Mysterians.

It was a big hit, though, far more successful than the poor bastard ever dreamed, and he paid for it by running for his life and hiding for the next ten years, capped by getting a bullet in the eye from a Navy Seal who probably felt as good as a human being can feel while pulling that trigger and watching bin Laden become Has Been Laden.

Plotnik tuned in to Rush Limbaugh in the car on the way to his partner Wave o Groove's house on Monday morning -- Mummy P.'s radio was set to that station. What a joy it was to listen to Rush choking on his bile, trying so very hard to criticize Obama (he kept 'slipping' and calling him "Osama") while congratulating George Bush for everything he could think of. That crow he was eating was big and greasy and obviously indigestible. There are not enough Digels in the world to help Russia, sorry, Rush right now, and ain't it nice?

USA! USA! USA!

Of course, we're going to hear the criticisms start now. The far left will say we should have given Osama the opportunity for a fair trial and the far right will say we should have stuck his face in an electric pencil sharpener, but the truth is this man is far better off dead, for everyone's sake. Once again, Barack Obama has done things the right way, without a lot of fanfare, without partisan crap getting in the way. If you can't congratulate your President for doing exactly what had to be done, you don't deserve to complain the next time he burps and you say that proves he was born in Nicaragua.

USA! USA!

True, those armed wingnuts on the lawn tractors concern The Great Plotnik, but not really all that much. Suicide bombers with dynamite strapped around their chests in the NYC subway are a lot scarier. People screaming Death to America into their caftans are more troublesome than Dude With Flag.

We pick our poisons, and every once in a while we find the perfect antidote, which in this case was a bullet in the eye. It took brave leadership and we got it.