The Sherlock Solution

BZ is right, it was just another First World Problem. And The Sherlock Solution was the answer.

It's not about our children starving, it's not about malaria mosquitoes stinging them while they sleep, it's not about having to walk miles with buckets on our heads to get fresh water, it's not about suicide bombers, it's not about the army bursting into our homes at night and hauling us away to be tortured, it's not about tsunamis or earthquakes or drought or flood, it's not about Parkinson's Disease or Alzheimer's or terminal cancer or AIDS. And it's not about jobs or housing or debt or the environment or immigration or campaign finance reform or electric freaking cars either.

It's just about who can scream the loudest and keep it up the longest. This is The Sherlock Solution.

Plotnik played b-ball with Sherlock for 15 years. Sherlock is a bus driver for MUNI, maybe 5'6" and close to 300 pounds. He isn't the tallest and he's not the fastest nor the best shooter, but he has the loudest voice. He is willing to stand in one spot and scream until he gets his way. You can't budge Sherlock. He's always holding onto the ball. The game cannot continue until Sherlock decides it can.

If Sher is on your team, you tend to win more. Nobody really minds, because Sher can stop a game but he can also keep it going. Nobody argues with him. Keep Sherlock happy and you keep playing, week after week, year after year.

So this is what we've got: a collection of Sherlocks. We don't get real solutions, we get Sherlock Solutions. Whoever can yell the loudest and longest wins. The President doesn't matter, heads of committees and congressional leaders don't matter. No one can do anything until Sherlock says so. Right now, the Tea Party is Sherlock, but people elected these guys. They want them to be doing exactly what they're doing.

And they're right: we ARE spending too much. I may think we should remove our troops from all these idiot wars against Muslims who hate us, and you may think we ought to stop providing school lunches for blind children with one leg, but both of us agree we can't keep doing what we've been doing. What we all need is our own Sherlock.

Think about Israel: Sherlock over there is the Orthodox Rabbis. Nobody in the country can stand them, but they yell the loudest and don't care who they hurt, as long as their little world remains the way they want it. So if there is to be any movement, on any issue, you have to cave in to the rabbis.

It's the Tea Party now but tomorrow it might be the Unions or abortion foes or the NRA or network TV executives. Who can yell the loudest? Who can pay the most? Who is the shortest, meanest and hardest to move?

The economy goes up, the economy goes down, we borrow more, we borrow less, we balance the budget, we don't balance the budget: do you think anything will ever change? Do you?

Not until Sherlock says so. Maybe someday we'll elect him. A lot of us thought we had.