New Year's Resolutions From Your Pastor

The Great Plotnik knows his flock can have trouble making, and then keeping their New Year's Resolutions. So he has made his own resolutions, stored them in a weatherproof urn, along with the ashes of Hanky Girl's cat, and made the urn available to all at Great Plotnik World Headquarters on 26th of October Boulevard.

The Sacred Doggy photo reminded him of one of his resolutions:

1) Dogs are wonderful. Dog owners are a pain in the ass. So spend more time with dogs.

Also:

2) If the writing on the stone says the world is ending, turn it over and read the other side.

3) There are brilliant people and there are not-very-talented people. This has nothing to do with how nice they are. Some brilliant people are assholes and some are nice people. Some not-very-talented people are also assholes and some are nice people. If you want to be happy, only work with brilliant, nice people.

( *3a: Make sure they know how brilliant YOU are.)

4) As for you, keep writing that song of yours. Only you can do it. But when even you can't remember how the melody goes, start a new one.

Imagine the world with only two people in it: you and the other guy. Accordingly,

5) If the space is more important to your wife than the object is to you, give it up already.

( *5a: However, a music room is for music.)

( *5b: If you take your pool cues, stick them in the ground and tie them together at the top, you'll have a little teepee and you can grow scarlet runner beans.)

6) If your mom repeats herself a lot, it's still a lot better than what might be coming 'round the corner.

( *6a: Yes, Mom, we have had breakfast. Yes, we have. Yes.)

7) If your favorite teams all suck eggs, remember that it is only a game.

( *7a: Yeah, right.)

8) If you are of an age when you ought to know what you want to do with your life, but you still haven't made up your mind, it's probably a good thing.

(* 8a: You sound like a Plotnikkie to me.)

2012 will be a fabulous year. The Maya are wrong, although there is something to be said for eating the hearts out of your enemies while impaling them with sticks on the top of your temples.

( * Occupy Wall Street.)

Happy New Year!