Magic and the HFSs

All right, it is time to discuss the Plotzer sale. Magic Johnson bought the team, with a truck load of help from "financial consultants." Translated, this means hedge fund scumbags (HFSs). The first thing Magic said was "we wish to continue the legacy of Frank McCourt." This is supposed to make us happy, after McCourt, after Rupert Murdoch, after so many years of mediocrity.

But whose fault is that? Plotnik's. He's been a Plotzer fan since the beginning of time, and he's loyal. It hurts when they lose and it is liberating when they win. This is just the way it is for true fans.

So, with the long view in mind, Magic Johnson is the perfect person to have as a Plotzer spokesperson. For one thing, he's very tall. Nobody smiles like Magic Johnson, and Stiletto City can use a new image: the successful, popular athlete/businessman. He was the greatest basketball player Plotnik ever saw so maybe Magic can convince more young athletes to come play for the Plotzers, especially with the help of the HFSs.

But Magic will only be the face: the big money people will call the shots. 2.4 BILLION dollars, my brothers and sisters. You don't make that kind of money back by smiling. You "develop," the scariest word on the planet. Look what happens around that beautiful stadium in the next five years. That this happens to be the Plotnik family's old neighborhood just brings it closer.

It can't be bad to get rid of Frank McCourt. But it can't be good to spend that much money on a stadium and cable rights. The HFSs can't pitch. What we really need is two more GSPs (great starting pitchers). Maybe they'll be available in the new PoliceMart, when the Walmart goes in next to the Police Academy.