A New Pope

The phone rang in the middle of the night. The voice spoke in Italian.

"Signore Plot-neek. You have heard about the Papa?"

"I am Papa," said Plotnik.

"No, no, il Papa in Roma?"

"Oh, the Pope? Benedict? No, whassup?"

"He quitting. We need new Papa. You already called Papa. You wanta job?"

"Me? Pope?"

"It a little weird, I know."

"Well...can I choose my own name?"

"Of course. What name a-you want?"

"Do I have the job?

"Maybe. But we still talking to Uncle Goopy."

Plotnik said he'd call the man back.

He is considering these three names:

Plotniquius
Kobius
Koufax

But he's sure he won't get it. They always give it to Uncle Goopy.