The Braai

The Great Plotnik stares at his overloaded plate. Friends who the Plotniks do not know have nonetheless invited all the Plotniks to their home for a braai. The way a braai works is: You drink copious amounts of delicious, laughingly inexpensive South African wine, and then you eat much much much meat, then more wine, then more more more meat.

The hostess apologizes for not serving more meats, but all she has to offer is lamb, beef, chicken, ostrich, tuna, lamb sausage, chicken sausage and ostrich sausage, to go with the egpplant stuffed with blue cheese, roasted peppers, roasted vegetables, and many additional bottles of wine.

Nobody uses napkins in this country. Once again, Plotnik realizes how addicted Americans are to paper products. No napkins, no paper towels, no tissues. Only v-e-r-y- thin toilet paper. At the braai Plotnik's hands are grubby with ostrich, lamb, beef, chicken and sausage, and he must keep excusing himself to go to the bathroom where he can rip off pieces of toilet paper to wipe his greasy mitts. The hostess asks if Plotnik is feeling all right? Oh yes, he says, hiding his hands but helping himself to more ostrich.