Take Stock Week Day 2: Children

Tower of Power
Originally uploaded by thegreatplotnik.

It is Oct. 21, 2005, Day 2 of Take Stock Week at The Great Plotnik World Headquarters and Meatball Kitchen. Today's subject is children.

There is no way a person with children can be understood by a person with no children. Things seem so simple to those who still have the same amount of brain cells they started out with, unlike the parents of this world who have felt so much of their native intelligence wither before the
onslaught of kid-logic:

"But Barry's Mom says it's OK."
"I AM studying!"
"It's...not...FAIR!"

The Great Plotnik and The Great Ducknik are blessed with the best children on Earth. The Great PunkyDunky and The Great BeeziWeezi are unique souls, each, thankfully, with a mix of the best of their parents, as well as, sorry Kids, a smattering of the shortcomings of their parents.

Certainly they've each got better hair. While The Great Ducknik complains about her thin hair and
The Great Plotnik bemoans his grayness and bald spot, the Great BZ and the Great PD effortelessly run combs through their thick, wavy locks. The Great Plotnik would have killed for
wavy. The Great Ducknik dreamed about thick. It didn't happen, until both their kids.

Both PD and BW have hard heads, which was tough for teen discipline, but serves them well now that one is in her twenties and one is in his, well, you know, the next notch up. BW probably worries a little more about things than PD, but as a result she is somewhat more disciplined than he is. PD probably spends money easier, but a brick in a pizza oven spends money more easily than BW. They're both smart, funny, cool. If one could repair computers and the other work on cars, they'd be perfect.

And, speaking of hard heads, The Great Plotnik and The Great Ducknik aren't exactly chopped chipotles. Ducknik, of course, is far more stubborn than Plotnik, but that may be because you're reading his blog and not her blog.

The Great Plotnik, taking stock, can say that he was concerned about only a few things for his children:

One, that they would learn to think for themselves about themselves and about other people.

Two, that they didn't do something idiotic as teenagers that would eliminate the choices
they would otherwise have before them later on.

Three, that they didn't pierce their nipples. OK, Plotnik must admit he really likes the one person he knows who has done so, and anyway he's not really all that sure where the piercings, you know, attach, you know, so to speak, where were we?

Four, that they use their educations for good but that they keep their minds open about what 'good' is, and that they always mistrust anything that comes after "Everybody says that...".

Five, that they see the world, as much of it as they can, and bring as many people with them as possible.

Six, that they love good food, and learn how to cook it.

Plotnik never thought about it when his kids were young, but there was probably always a Number Seven too. Now that The Great PunkyDunky has met and married The Great FiveHead,
Plotnik knows he and Ducknik always secretly hoped they would love the mates of their children every bit as much as their own flesh and blood. FiveHead has made that a no-brainer. No one in the world could be easier to love than The Great FiveHead. There must have been a time when she wasn't an integral part of the Plotnik family, but neither Plotnik nor Ducknik can remember when that could have been.

So, as far as his children go, if The Great Plotnik tried, he could not be prouder of any of them.

But this is about taking honest stock, so The Great Plotnik will now admit something his children perhaps have not realized before, but from this moment onward should occupy many of their waking moments:

The Great Plotnik and The Great Ducknik COULD, given the right set of circumstances, learn to love one of their children ever so slightly more than the other. Let's just say it's possible. However, due to corportate and legal ramifications, neither parent would ever admit which child that might be at any one moment, and the distance between children would not be so great that it could not be overcome by continual displays of affection by all, such as coming home for all holidays, remembering how important
Mommy and Daddy are in their lives, homemade jams and cookies and enchiladas, maybe some cool, perfumed soap, and so on. One child may be slightly ahead, but that lead could evaporate in a hearbeat, and another could catch up with extra slobberings of loveydoviness. Forewarned is
foresmooched.

This, brethren, is today's lesson. Tomorrow we shall take stock about work.