Lestat: Half a Star with a Catheter
The Great Plotnik shouldn't have mixed the Tasty Bites Pav Bhaji into the can of minestrone and wolfed it down in one gulp, but it was an early curtain. Plus, Ducknik had a cold and he couldn't get anybody else to go with him to the Press Premiere of Anne Rice's 'Lestat,' with music by Elton John and Bernie Taupin, so he was on his own, which made it less embarrassing in the car to the theater when the Pav Bhaji and the canned minestrone started backing up in Plotnik's interior like the homeless guy on Geary Street trying to cadge five bucks from two people at the same time. By the time he got to his middle seat ("excuse me, sorry, excuse me, sorry") at the Curran, Plot's insides were threatening to become his outsides.
But you can't blame it on the soup. Plotnik didn't even make it to the first intermission. The vampires have won: 'Lestat' is an unwatchable bloodbath.
Here we have the first theatrical combination of Anne Rice, Elton John and Bernie Taupin, which has been eagerly anticipated by Bay Area theater lovers for months, and it can't decide whether it's a parody, a serious drama, or a nightschool production at Transylvania Tech. Give it its props though: the well-meaning vampire has great hair.
Those who love vampires, or are vampires, might get some kind of erotic buzz out of watching Lestat drinking his own mother's blood, while pausing to face the audience and croon tunes like 'From the Dead' and 'The Thirst' and, no joke, 'The Crimson Kiss.' Yes, the big song of Act One, that Lestat and his Mommy Deadest sing as a duet, after he has drunk her blood, for God's Sake, but she is STILL kvetching about being somehow dissatisfied with her life, is called 'The Crimson Kiss.' A love song, yet. He just murdered his mother and drank her blood, and he's crooning. Plotnik hit the aisle, and he wasn't alone.
Elton, Bernie and Anne must have drunk the Kool-Aid. Plotnik warns his faithful readers to stay away from this kitty-litter. It's bloody awful.
The Great Plotnik Theatre Review Service awards 'Lestat' One Half A Star with a Catheter.
posted by DAK @ 9:53 AM
1 Comments:
Oooooh, sounds awful. One of the guys at work compared the lyrics to Sesame Street for Vampires. I have yet to hear anything good about this, although the sets are supposed to be impressive. GAW (guy at work) said that the theatre was 1/2 full (or vacant) in the second act, so it's good you left early. Poor thing.
At least you didn't pay for the awful experience.
msmush can be critical w/o even seeing this horrible thing.
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