Self Involved Cymbidiums

Cymbidium 1-17-06
Originally uploaded by thegreatplotnik.

The Great Plotnik fell in love with cymbidiums the same way everybody does -- he saw one at somebody else's house. If they can grow one, I can grow one, he said, and thus began a decade-long oddyssey in frustration.

There are a million theories about cymbidiums, but only this year has The Great Plotnik seen the light. You can prune 'em or not prune 'em, fertilize 'em or not fertilize 'em, watch the exact shade of green carefully to determine how much sun is too much sun or not enough sun or almost enough sun, and you can do all these things at once or in alternate years and it won't make a damned bit of difference.

...UNTIL you ignore the little suckers, stick 'em out in the back yard and let 'em go. THEN, and only then, will they flower.

Remember. They hate you. Only once they know you've completely abandoned all hope of nursing them along, will they open up and flower like the little jewels they are.

To a cymbidium, you and your meaningless, flowerless, humdrum life mean less than nothing. It's all about them.

Remember, though, when you abandon them, that in Saint Plotniko full sun works best, regardless of what the books say.