I Love Logainne Schwartzandgrubenierre.

"When I grow up, I want to be Marcy Park," says Plotnik.

"I loved Logainne Schwartzandgrubenierre," says Ducknik. "With the two Dads, Schwartz and Grubenierre. And Poor Olive Ostrovsky."

"What about Leaf Coneybear?" says Plotnik. "I mean, his sister Marigold Coneybear knocks Chip Tolentino right out of the competition."

"Yes, but he gets to sing 'My Unfortunate Erection.'"

"And what about my boy William Barf-ay? The Magic Foot?"

By now Plotnik and Ducknik are laughing again, thinking about this magical show at Post Street Theatre. They were laughing as they left the theater, laughing in the car, laughing when they got into bed and they woke up laughing. Hallelujah, this morning Plotnik gets to write a review for once about a show he really loves.

Reviewers do nothing but bitch. It's too long. It's too 'Broadway.' The music sucks. The lyrics are worse. They didn't give us good enough seats. Water costs two bucks. Waaa Waaa Waaa.

Not this time. 'Spelling Bee' is too short. Plot and Duck could have sat through two more acts. Belly laughs are good. Tears are good. Sondheim-like lyrics and Bernstein-like chord and tempo changes are good. OK, that's going over the top. It's not West Side Story. There is no "Maria" or "I Feel Pretty" and there aren't any Sharks or Jets, though there is a great throwaway line about the Warriors.

But it's funnier. Nobody kills anybody. Only one person's parole almost gets violated. You get to leave the theater laughing and humming the tunes. The Great Plotnik Theater Review Division wishes he hadn't brought up West Side Story, because now it can't award 'The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee' more than Three and a Half Stars. Still, that's a bundle in these days of Lestat (Half a Star with a Catheter).

'Spelling Bee' gets Three and a Half Stars for the show, PLUS half a star on top for Marcy Park's 'I Know Six Languages' and a quarter star for Jesus and ANOTHER quarter for the little kid they pulled out of the audience who kept fouling things up by spelling all his words correctly. This is the show to take your Moms and Dads to.