Jess and Jason's Wedding

Plot and Duck spent Saturday night in a Bodega Bay water tower. It was the only available room in the town, and it would have been cheap, but for the summer two-night requirement at all motels, hotels, inns, b&bs, b-without-b's and water towers in Sonoma County. The room was, well, cute.

Jessica's wedding was the Opposite of Cute. Jess is one of the Chicago Six, six women from the North Side who have remained close friends since High School. The Great Five Point Seven Head is another of these women. So is The Great Shutter-nik, second from the left in this picture, seen several times in these pages. (The other three, Colin, Molly and Jane, are as of yet Nik-less.) The Great Plotnik and The Great Ducknik were proud to have been invited to Jess and Jason's wedding.

My, but it was fancy. The Sonoma Villa Resort had been rented out for the weekend and no expense was spared. The pathway to the chuppa was strewed with rose petals, except for the spot worn clean by the Wedding Planner who stood at the entrance to the rose petal path, from which vantage point she could give frantic cues to everyone by shaking her fist. Father of Bride: March! Mother of Bride and Partner: March! When the string quartet did not start the next tune immediately after the first fist she shook both fists.

There were many sweet touches: one's directions for walking into the reception tent in the dark could be found in a personalized mason jar, lit by a scented candle, with the table number embossed on the bottom. Each guest received perfume in little vials, freshly made by The Chicago Six. It was a band, not a DJ, and the band knew Kool and the Gang.

Jess and Jason are Jewish? Who knew? It was a Jewish wedding, with a RNB (Rabbi, No Beard) and a Grandma named Rose.

But Jews have this thing now -- it has become mandatory to bare one's soul at every family function. So the wedding and the reception included many, many speeches and declarations of eternal love and recitations about being present in the Now, and welcomes to the bride from the groom's side, and welcomes to the groom from the bride's side, and grand predictions of love and prosperity to surely follow this couple, blessed in God's eyes, for all the days up to and including their Honeymoon in Bora Bora, and thereafter as well.

To be sure, they are great kids. Jason wrote and performed a beautiful song for Jess, and the CD of the song was tucked in everyone's Goody Bag ahead of time, along with the apricot-cayenne truffles and a book of poetry.

Plotnik danced with Ducknik and his ribs said Hi There, Bucko, after the party, but only for a short while.

He and Duck kept falling down into their chairs and staring into each other's eyes to say: "What will we do if BZWZ wants this?"

The answer, of course, is that whatever she dreams of, she will have, and Plot and Duck will be blessed and thankful to provide. And standing up to Bare His Soul will be The Great Plotnik himself, perhaps joined by Schmekl Plotnik, and the thought of Plot and Shmek making The Speech of a Thousand Tears will probably make BZWZ elope and get married in Unalaska. Plot hopes not.

Look, The Great Plotnik has played piano for perhaps 500 weddings, and several times again for the bride and/or the groom's second marriages to other people after the first marriage crapped out. Whether it was a Huge Production or a shotgun affair at the Knights of Columbus Hall, it always seemed to be true that if the Bride slammed the Groom's face into the Wedding Cake, it did not bode well for the future.

Jess and Jason almost apologetically rubbed a little cake onto each other's radiant cheek, and then seemed poised to lick it off crumb by crumb.

True, life is not plannable, like weddings with wedding planners. The best weddings are where everyone walks away a little drunk, feet sore from dancing, throat hoarse from screaming, with love in the heart for not only the Bride and Groom but for the whole process. It's even nicer when you can carry away a Goody Bag with the Song to listen to later.