BOOKIE! BOOKIE! XHQA XHQA! WANTUM BOOKIE!

As we all know, Harry F Potter comes out tomorrow, to the profound consternation of retail bookstore managers like Mz. Mush of Mush Corners. It happens every time -- anxious crowds descend upon her Big Box Book Store, foaming with spittle at the corners of their mouths, as they demand their reserved or not-reserved copy of HFP. Things get crazy. Feelings get hurt. Toes get squashed. Mush swears a lot. Sheesh, you'd think they were giving away I-Phones.

Anyhow, this morning The Great Plotnik had his Sixty Minute Poking, Scraping, Sharp Needle Squirting and Nominal Pain Experience with his friendly, extremely white-toothed dentist. (Around the cubicle door the big boss dentist could be heard trying to convince a patient she needed cosmetic mouth surgery including botox into the lips so her teeth wouldn't protrude as much. Plotnik saw the woman in the chair later on -- she's gorgeous. Already. What in the WORLD is she thinking about?)

The dentist's office, like every other dentist's office in Saint Plotniko, is at 450 Sutter St., known as 450 Suffer. 450 Suffer just happens to be right around the corner from Mz. Mush's Big Box Book Store.

So Plotnik has this great idea: He already has on his bike helmet and blue bike jacket and red-and-white highway worker sweat band. He looks like a freaking Martian. He COULD walk into the Big Box Book Store and demand his copy of Harry F Potter, the day BEFORE the book comes out, in a thick, unrecognizable accent from a country far, far away. He could very easily pretend not to understand a word the kindly book store workers would be trying to convey to him. NO BOOKIE? NO BOOKIE? SHMAGLIPLE SPITTOOTY! XHQA XHQA! WANTUM BOOKIE WANTUM BOOKIE!

Then, he could take a picture of Mush when she runs downstairs to put out the fire, and then he could hurry home to put the picture on his blog, ho ho ho.

If you're looking at Mz. Mush breathing fire out of her nostrils above, you know he did it.