The Customs of Plotnakkah

Sometimes, people who are not Plotnikkish ask about the holiday of Plotnakkah. The important thing to remember about Plotnakkah is that both the 'kk' and the final 'ah' are pronounced 'chhhhhh.' Imagine gargling, without the mouthwash.

Various Plotnikkies observe Plotnakkah in different ways. Orthodox Plotnikkies dress up in black hats and black shoes and eat blackberries. Conservative Plotnikkies dress up in red hats and red shoes and eat strawberries. Reformed Plotnikkies eat pie and go shopping.

At The Great Plotnik World Headquarters, and in Plotnikkish homes the world around, Plotnakkah is observed for three nights in a row, from December 23-25. On Night One, there must be at least two pies. On Night Two, Cuban Chicken must be served along with Beaujolais Beets and a minimum of three pies. On the morning of Day Three, Yummy Honey Bunnies are partaken as presents are opened. On Night Three, the family goes to a Chinese or Indian restaurant, and then comes home for pie.

As far as lighting candles goes, in Reformed Plotnikkish homes one lights the barbecue. Thai barbecued chicken with coconut milk and green curry is favored. A prayer is offered, with many 'chhhhhhh' sounds.

Lastly, during the season of Plotnakkah, forbidden foods may never be consumed. This means NO liver and NO tuna casserole. During the rest of the year, these foods may be eaten, but not in this house.