It's All Plotnik's Fault

It's all Plotnik's fault. He thinks he made the right decision, but in the end it is he who is responsible for those two home runs in the eighth. Plotnik and Plotnik alone.

The game was going great, but Ducknik was in Minnesota. Plot promised he'd pick her up at the airport, because that's what you should do. She said 'don't worry about it, I'll take a cab,' but Plot wasn't about to let her do that.

So, from his Lucky Chair, with the cushion pointed at exactly a 45 degree angle to the tv screen, the remote control on his right thigh and his right hand grabbing his left wrist, the Plotzers ploughed on, falling behind in the first but going ahead 5-3 in the fifth and keeping it that way until the eighth. Plot figured he could get through until the ninth inning before he had to leave.

But the plane was early! Early! The blasted plane was early! Ducknik called from the tarmac. "Hi honey, we're here!" she said. "I'm on my way," Plotnik answered, glancing at the screen to see Ryan Howard coming to bat for the Phoolies, against Hong Shi Kuo who was blowing away every other Phoolie batter.

He figured he was safe. He set the DVR to record, and ran out of the house.

The game was on the radio, but he didn't listen.

Duck was waiting.

When she got in the car, though, she said this: "I was walking past some sports bar and a bunch of people started screaming."

"Oh, Christ, I'm screwed," Plotnik said. He knew it right away. Sports bars in Saint Plotniko, even in the airport, are filled with people who hate the Plotzers. No one would be cheering a Plotzer victory. Cheering in a sports bar at Saint Plotniko International could mean only one thing.

He brooded all the way home, ran into the house, looked at the TV -- Phoolies 7, Plotzers 5. He was right. It's his fault.

The Phoolies had rallied the minute Plottie left. They waited for that plane to land, and then they rallied. They knew they couldn't do it while The Great Plotnik was sitting in his Lucky Chair and thwarting their evil plans.

But the Lucky Chair only works if you don't get up. Once you move, the spell is broken and the team is on its own. Every sports fan knows that.

And that was that.

An interesting sidelight, though, is that though Plotnik left for the airport in the top of the Eighth Inning, and drove twenty minutes there, and picked up Duck and her suitcase, and drove twenty minutes back, it was still only the top of the Ninth when he got home. This is why so many people can't stand baseball.

Plotnik doesn't care for it all that much right now either. And he's the one to blame.