Plotnik Needs a Taco

Plotnik had never seen a getup like this one, on or off an airplane. A camouflage shirt, a different color camouflage shorts worn over green pajamas with LUCKY CHARMS logos all over them, and white socks. A gray pony tail. The man walked up and down the aisles, constantly drinking a soda with a straw from a plastic cup. He poured the soda from the can into the cup as he walked, back and forth, back and forth.

The flight from Providence to Phoenix, on the way to S-P, was a long one, 5 1/2 hours with strong headwinds. Plot sat next to Captain Jolly, a Southwest pilot deadheading back to his home in Phoenix from Providence (which means riding as a passenger, not flying the plane). He was in a great mood. Captain Jolly told Plotnik some interesting facts, such as:

Fly in the rear. It's safer for sure, because falling planes tend to land on the tail, which cushions the fall, and then the nose of the plane, which is up in the air on impact, comes crashing down at great force.

The Air France plane that disappeared in the middle of the night over the Atlantic two weeks ago probably was hit by lightning, knocking out its radar, so it couldn't see the enormous equatorial thunderstorm it was about to run smack into. That thunderstorm probably broke the plane apart at 10,000 feet, which is why the bodies they have recovered from the ocean have no clothes on and have multiple limbs missing.

Try that one on for a nice conversation before takeoff.

Then Captain Jolly got going. When he was in the military they used to have to fly into the highest airport in the world, in La Paz, Bolivia. If you don't follow the flight plan exactly, you will run into a mountain. You won't see the mountain, which is hidden in clouds, until you hit it.

You have no idea how much force a tropical thunderstorm contains. Why, that plane could have been blown to smithereens in an instant.

The Captain also said Southwest doesn't make money until passenger number 100 boards the plane (their 737s hold 137 passengers). And passengers are not called passengers, but revs. (Think: revenue.)

And he did not have a Texas accent.



Houses in Providence are very tall. But Phoenix is flat. It's also butt-ugly. Plotnik would rather live practically anywhere other than Phoenix.



It took around an hour and a half to get from the dust of Phoenix until the 737 broke through the clouds over Santa Cruz and Monterey Bay. Saint Plotniko was waiting like an old pal you'd been missing and just found on Facebook.

It is so gorgeous here. The Plotniks took the tram to BART and rode into Glen Park, and while they waited on the corner for the 26-Valencia bus, the air smelled of the Pacific Ocean and Chinese food. That's Saint Plotniko.

The tomato plants grew a foot with Plotnik gone. The raspberries ripened but there should be another week or two to the season. The arugula is pretty much gone to seed but that guarantees another enormous 8-month crop starting in October. The mail was piled up inside the door and it was all garbage. The sofa. The bed. Gotta have a taco.