Manny and Ron and Lance. Ours Versus Theirs.

He's back. The Plotzers didn't fall apart after all during Manny Ramirez's 50 game suspension for using gonadotropin (or, as Scott Ostler calls it, for trying to avoid an unplanned pregnancy) -- in fact, they gained a few games in the standings.

The Great Plotnik lives in the most self-righteous city in the world. It's hysterical to listen to Saint Plotniko sportscasters grinding on and on about the evils of Manny's fall from grace, in the same town where they loved Barry Bonds and reviled Jose Canseco for spilling the beans on the druggies who have been trying to ruin baseball for two decades.

Why? Because Bonds was ours, and Manny is theirs.

So OK. It sells papers and radio talk shows. But enough already. Play ball. The Braindeads and Plotzers are the two best teams in the league and they will fight it out on the field. Isn't that right, Domin-Nik?



What is this man saying? The World Champs have signed one of their nemeses, the Thuggo Supremo Ron Artest, last seen chewing on Kobe Bryant's ear, figuratively we think, in the recent NBA Playoffs.

Artest is really, really unbalanced. Last night he was interviewed on ESPN wearing a U-THUGGA basebal cap. He is the kind of human you don't ever want to see your daughter bring...oh, wait. That was when he was on THEIR team. Now he's on OUR team.

Welcome, Ron! We love you, Ron! You play tough defense and nobody ever messes with you. You can only help us repeat next year. Got to love the Thugga!



But back to druggies! Who is on the cover of the Morning Bird Wrap today but Lance Armstrong. Nobody used performance enhancers more than cyclists, in fact they probably invented the whole blood doping scam. Armstrong has somehow never been convicted, but then again neither has Barry Bonds. Do we hear anybody railing about L'il Lancelot?

Nope. Because he's ours. And the French hate him. Priceless.