The Great Plotnik

Sunday, April 07, 2013

Hell Rules the World of Tech

There is no way to live in the modern world without hating your cell phone provider or your cable company. Here is the difference between AT&T and Comcast:

1) You walk into an AT&T store and the people are friendly and willing to help. They are pathological liars but they are decent pathological liars. It's not a nice experience but it's not a terrible one, either. You want to help them. You want to buy things, fancy things with lots of lights that will never work.

2) You walk into the Comcast office and it's the DMV with better TVs. No one looks up. There's a long line and the people in it are there to pay their bills and complain loudly about a dispute of some kind, real or imagined. It's dark. The company probably didn't pay its light bill. When you get to the front the woman doesn't want to help you, she wants to smite you. You resent every penny you pay them.

But Comcast's overpriced shit works.

This all started because the Plotniks got new I-Phone 5s. They are great. As Plotnik explained this morning to Domin-Nik, he now has a new theory of Modern Life. I-Phones will do that to you. Here it is: The greatest thing about an I-Phone is you are never alone. People will do anything to pretend they are having a good time.

Plot went to have lunch yesterday on Church Street. While he waited for his food to come he took out his I-Phone. He checked his email. HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HIS EMAIL. But he checked it anyway, and then sent one, and then the food came.

It was delicious: curried noodles. He ate for a few minutes, then his phone beeped. HE DIDN'T CARE WHY THE PHONE WAS BEEPING but he pulled the phone from his pocket and checked it, but he couldn't figure out what the beep meant, so he never found out who beeped or why. He ate some more. He tried to get the Giants game. HE HATES THE GIANTS. But he wondered if he could get the broadcast, even though he knew he wouldn't be able to see much of the game on the I-Phone screen. He couldn't get the game. He put down his phone. He finished his lunch.

Wasn't THAT special!

I-Phone: data package. The salesman, NICE guy, friendly, helpful, told Plot and Duck they should buy the Mega Confusion Package. It sounded good, especially after Plot walked around the corner to the Comcast office, to compare prices, and then vowed never to darken that door again, tipping the Devil on his way out.

So we're in Hell. Sunday morning: second and third installers. Nothing works. Alarm system disabled. Internet currently working, but only because we're still using COMCAST.

The Devil is a bastard but he's got better technology.



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