The Great Plotnik

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

NEEDED: SMALL DRONE


We here at the Great Plotnik Agricultural Division believe that too much is being made of the dark side of the whole drone business. True, up to now drones have been used primarily for dropping bombs on innocent people while occasionally actually incinerating the person they went looking for in the first place, and citizens are justly nervous about Amazon using them to bring you your package of HDMI cables.

We think differently.

WANTED: SMALL DRONE. IN WORKING CONDITION, APPEARANCE NOT IMPORTANT, TO POLLINATE AVOCADO TREE. TREE IN FULL BLOSSOM NOW. NEED LITTLE BRUSH-Y THING ATTACHMENT.


We never have bees when there are blossoms and when there are bees the blossoms are gone. Hence, the drone, with a little paint brush-y thing attached at the bottom, which flies from blossom to blossom, taking pollen from here and spreading it there.

The absolute BEST application would be that when it is finished pollinating, it crashes into the neighbor's yard and takes out that little yappy dog.


6 Comments:

At 1:54 PM, Blogger Susan Parker said...

if you pollinate the tree you will get avocados, thousands of them, and they will drop into your yard like little shit bombs all day and all night long and you will have to pick them up and they won't necessarily be any good because if you have squirrels or rats or mice or raccoons, which I bet you do, they will take small bites out of each of them and then leave it there, on the ground, for you to clean up.

 
At 3:01 PM, Anonymous HankyGirl said...

Don't listen to Suzy. Get that drone, and I will come to your yard with nets to catch the falling avocados. I ask only to be paid in avocadoes.

P.s. I may recruit the yappy dog to scare squirrels or rats or mice or . . . well, probably not the raccoons, but maybe the sight of me running about with a net will keep them at bay.

 
At 4:36 PM, Blogger bronwen said...

I bet a remote-controlled helicopter would work. Seriously. Try this one: http://www.amazon.com/Remote-Control-Helicopter-camera-LT-712/dp/B0069DDGPS

You'd just want to attach a pollen brush to the front and something to the back to counterweight it. Then, voila! Guacamole for Suzy.

 
At 8:15 PM, Blogger mary ann said...

didn't you brush them last year by hand (sort of)?

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger J and J said...

Doug, Jerry says you can do this tomorrow. All you need to do is go to the nearest Hobby Store and buy a radio controlled flying device (Helicopter, blimp, etc.) and a brush-y thing and sit outside with a beer and pilot your drone-y thing around to polinate your handsome and blooming avocado tree!
Good Luck and Cheers!

 
At 11:46 AM, Anonymous HankyGirl said...

Would impregnating your avocado tree be considered treesiality?

Not that there's anything wrong with that . . .

 

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