Do You Speak Tamil?

"I'm very sorry for your inconvenience, Mr., uh, Plotnik. We here at (Microsoft, Dell, Comcast, AOL) are dedicated to getting you back on line as soon as possible. Now, for the fourth time, may I please have your 47 digit X-Code Service Verification Tabulation Pin Number? You can find it on the underside of your desk top computer, written in Braille."

"Son, The Great Plotnik is holding a stick of dynamite."

"We're sincerely upset that you have had to wait since last night on the Help Line, Mr., uh, Plotnik. Unfortunately, you have been misdirected to the Hardware Line. You need the Software line. Please call 1-866-I-N-D-I-A and ask for Mr. Gupta. He is in the office 24 hours a day. Do you speak Tamil?"

"Son, turn around. Do you know where the sun don't shine?"

"It is with our deepest apologies, Mr., uh, Plotnik, that we must inform you that there will be a service charge of $99 to speak with our wireless router associate. His name is Timmy. He gets home from Middle School at 4PM. He has soccer at 5PM. You are number 81 in the queue. May we please have your credit card number once again? To insure consumer safety, will you turn the card over and vomit?"

"Son, If I find a match you are in big trouble."

"Ha ha ha, Mr., uh, Plotnik."

"Kiss yo mama good bye, Sonny boy."