Chasing Mahmoud Perkins

The Great Plotnik reported for jury duty on Monday afternoon. The Saint Plotniko Superior Court made him thankful he hadn't been assigned to Inferior Court. Plotnik took a seat in the Jury Selection Room along with 400 other unhappy souls, and listened to a lady named Ruth tap her microphone PLONK, and then speak v e r y s l o w w w w l e e as she read a sheaf of announcements like: "Legal Code 4885.03 defines Full Time Employee as one who has a full time job. Legal Code 4772.04 defines Part Time Employee as one who does not have a full time job. Legal Code 38457.1 states Full Time Employees may or may not be entitled to compensation for their jury service. Legal Code 485965.2 states Part Time Employees may or may not be entitled to compensation for their jury service."

When the last prospective juror had finally dropped off into an uneasy sleep, drooling, with his or her mouth wide open, Ruth smiled and said: "Sheep are girls and Heep are boys." Then, she went away. Plotnik was sure he was losing his mind.

But the best was yet to come, when Ruth returned, one excruciatingly long hour later. She tapped her microphone, PLONK, and announced: If I read off your name, you are excused from jury service for one year by Saint Plotniko Superior Court:

Ang, Judy.
Arg, Elmer.
Bowels, Fred.
Ching, Peter.

The microsecond she read someone's name that person jumped up and shouted "Yeah! Hoo Hoo Hoo! Outa Here!"

And, gloriously, right after Perkins, Mahmoud, but before Pringle, Ned, Ruth announced:

Plotnik, The Great.

Relieved, and with great dignity, Plotnik stood up and walked slowly out of the jury selection room, nodding to Ruth as he passed the podium. When he hit the hall he put it into gear, waving his arms and churning down the hall after gleeful Mahmoud Perkins.