Ting or Tang

Ting or Tang
Originally uploaded by thegreatplotnik.

Today, The Great Plotnik's friend Mistress Domin-nik is having a little port put into her...where? -- Plot doesn't know, somewhere above the waist and below the neck, he's pretty sure -- which will enable the doctors to pour in the chemo. When they're through, in a few months, they'll remove the port from her...where?...Plot will know the location by then -- and she'll be done with it.

Knowing Mistress Domin-nik, she'll probably become quite attached, metaphysically speaking, to her port. She'll write poems and essays about it. She may even give it a name. She'll sign it up for a class. Then, when they remove it, she'll remember it with an almost French wistfulness.

The Great Ducknik is having gum surgery today, and to make it even less comprehensible, it's almost elective. She could have put it off. If there's one thing in the world that would reduce The Great Plotnik to a tiny, squabbling Plottie, it's surgery. Letting people cut into you before you've exhausted every possibility, including lie-to-your-own-face denial? Impossible to fathom.

Knowing The Great Ducknik, she will suffer in near silence, interrupting her solitary misery only to request a few more back rubs from The Great Plotnik, which he will happily provide. He will attempt to make her soup, which she'll refuse, but request a few neck and shoulder rubs. While he is rubbing her neck and shoulders she'll remember that her feet and calves are a tad stressed too, would he mind? Higher. Lower. Higher. Right. Left. Up. Down.

Today was Election Day. Yet, not one person pointed out in print that Ting was running for the seat vacated by Tang.

The election has added yet another layer to TGP's Own Personal Ooph. When he goes to Hell, the phone will constantly be ringing, and every time he picks it up there will be five seconds of silence, followed by a tape recording of Nancy Pelosi asking Plotnik to vote for Ting. When he hangs up, the phone will ring again and Governor Shwartzenegger will ask him to vote for Tang, followed by a Germanic version of 'The Witch Doctor.'

On Wednesday, November 9, 2005, The Great Plotnik sends best wishes to Mistress Domin-nik, and to The Great Ducknik, and also to Ting, Tang, Oo, Ee, Oo, Ah and Ah.