The Pineapple of Perfection

The Great Plotnik is thinking that his good friends and Co-Reviewers for NoMoreCommasPeriod must have encountered two bad pieces of pizza before going to see The Rivals the other night. Far from the snoozing bore for which Plotnik had been prepared, he and Ducknik loved every second of Sheridan's play. They not only stayed through the intermission but purchased a large bag of peanut M&Ms, hoping the second act would last forever. In the end, only two blues and one green remained.

OK, not every second was great. Mrs. Malaprops's malaprops, though hysterical in the 18th Century when the play was written, were indeed the weakest link (although it's hard to fault 'he's as stubborn as an allegory on the banks of the Nile'); and, true, Mr. Akers's Scottish accent lapsed periodically into something closer to Louisville, Kentucky.

But, zounds! Gregory Wallace as Falkland was even more amazing than he was as Sheriff Ceasar in 'Gem of the Ocean.' The entire cast was brilliant -- and Sheridan's convoluted Georgian English takes fabulous actors. You wouldn't want to see The Rivals performed by Everett Middle School. It's witty. It's wise. The staging is ingenious. The costumes are over-the-top perfect.

We could talk, and will, about which drugs were used by the people who designed blue M&Ms. It's wrong, it's just wrong.

Reviewing is funny business. The other night when Plotnik saw 'I Just Stopped By To See The Man,' he was put off by the amateur guitar playing of the actor playing the supposedly world-famous rock and roller. But the next day's Chronicle lauded both the play and that guitar playing. Robert Hurwitz must be blissed out on blue M&Ms.

Once again, The Great Plotnik recognizes his undeniable advantage. One's attitude can be more ecumenical when one sees a play for free with good seats and a press kit in his hand. When you pay hard green you want instant satisfaction. Maybe. Or maybe it's just that you can't expect every play to be the Pineapple of Perfection.

The Great Plotnik Theater Awards Division awards 'The Rivals' Three Stars Plus All the M&Ms except the Blue Ones.