Tectonic Nookie

She WON'T shut up. He WON'T toss her sorry, scheming ass out into the desert. Once you've got that straight, you just may love 'The Ice Breaker,' David Rambo's new scientific drama at the Magic Theater. It's cleverly written, directed and acted -- still, it's DAVID Rambo not JOHN Rambo, there is very little action and only two characters, so it may be one of those shows you're either going to love or you'll squirm the vinyl off your seat cushion.

Criminy, Sonia won't shut UP! And Lawrence, the laconic loser, doesn't seem to realize that God has just allowed a grand and sexy gift to walk into his pathetic, seedy, wine-bottled, empty Chinese food containered, freezer-iced-over get-a-life life. Well, until the end of Act One. Then, KABOOMY! Tectonic Nookie!

That's what she says, anyway, looking g-o-o-d with those long legs as Act Two opens, but -- look out! She breaks his priceless Anasazi vase KAPLOWEE! In Act One, Larry would have gone all scary at her, but now -- ah, sweet nookie -- he doesn't seem to mind. The boy's in love.

One part of The Great Plotnik's mind is going "LOOK OUT, FOOL! SHE'S USING YOU!" while the other part says "nice legs."

OK, it's kind of TV soap opera, but The Great Plotnik and The Great Ducknik liked it anyway. You buy these two or you don't, and P and D did. They also loved the sets and the music. But in the elevator coming down after the show, Plot asked two other theatergoers if they'd liked the show?

"NOOOO," said one. "Too many cliches."

The other just shook his head, as if disgusted.

Clearly, these guys needed some tectonic nookie.

This is not an easy show to rate. The Great Plotnik's hunch is Three Stars, but let's add it up: one star for the acting, one star for the set, half a star for tectonic nookie, but take away half of that because they didn't let us watch, add 3/4 of a star for the writing, but take away half a star for the lame attempt to be Sideways with the Meritage and the White Zinfandel, but add back a full three quarters because they were not afraid to be intelligent. That's 3 1/4 stars, but Plotnik is afraid Sonia reminded him of an old girl friend, so take away another quarter. Like he said: Three Stars.

The Great Plotnik Theater Review Division awards 'The Ice Breakers' Three Stars with a Test Tube.