Plotnik's Dilemma

The Great Plotnik found himself in the middle of a Great Dilemma. Chef Pickle-nik's Second Course had been outrageously delicious.

But now, he had come to this:


Only one asparagus stalk, one piece of duck breast and one roast potato were left. Although the appetizer had been delicious, and the dessert was still to come, he was loath to finish these three morsels, because once he finished them, see, they'd be finished.

He looked over at Ducknik's plate. It was cleaned off completely (although her name is Ducknik and therefore eating more duck breast could be seen in some quarters as an unnatural act).

He reasoned it out this way: His favorite of the three was the potato. Oh yeah, the potato. There was some secret ingredient in there, besides the rosemary, that had elevated the potato a teensy bit higher than the asparagus and the duck. "Mint?" he wondered. "I don't know," said Ducknik, "maybe lemon?"

He didn't know what that ingredient was, but potatoes are Plotnik's soul food, reminding him of everything good in the world. These were perfect. The potato would have to go last. But the asparagus and the duck breast were equally fabulous, so what to do, what to do?

I mean, what would you have done?

In the end, Lance, the waiter, said "Eat the damned asparagus." Plotnik grabbed the asparagus, ate it. Lance nodded at the duck breast. Plotnik ate the duck breast. His work done, Lance left, muttering under his breath.

Plotnik then ate the potato, sopped up the gravy with the olive bread, then the rest of the olive oil with another piece of olive bread, then finished his cabernet, which had come after the fume blanc, which had been preceded by the chardonnay, and the moscato was still to come.

Later on, the dessert arrived. Ai, ai, ai, chihuahua.



After dessert, Chef Pickle-Nik came out and sat down with Plot and Duck. They both asked her: "What was the secret ingredient in the potatoes? Was it lemon? Was it mint?"

"Duck fat," said Pickle-Nik.