Edward Scissorhands. But First, This Message From Isabella Red Hat

All right, all right, this is not Edward Scissorhands. It's Isabella Red Hat. But if they keep sending pictures like this, what is a poor Plotnik to do?

Now then, Edward Scissorhands. Duck and Plot saw the Premiere of Matthew Bourne's stage adaptation last night at the Orpheum Theater. Here is an excerpt from The Great Plotnik's Theatre For Morons column:

"Two eyes are not nearly enough to take in the chaotic masterpiece that is Edward Scissorhands. Devised, directed and choreographed by Matthew Bourne, the large Orpehum stage is filled constantly by a cast of 25 dancers, split into groups, each group remaining firmly in character and each demanding your undivided attention. Add into the mix Edward himself (played on Opening Night by a very likeable Sam Archer), who in place of each hand sports five long and apparently razor-sharp blades, that he snaps open and closed to convey emotion and to give salon haircuts, as he dances from one group to the other, and you end up with a dazzling spectacle fit for at least two more eyes than you already have.

"Fortunately, you can check your brain at the door. Edward Scissorhands is neither tragedy nor comedy, though it has a little of the former and a lot of the latter, and it's dance, not theater -- there is not one spoken line of dialogue. The themes don't add up, and the premises don't make much sense. A distraught father sews his son back to life and gives him scissors instead of hands? Sure. A suburban '50s community welcomes a kid with weapons for hands into their 'hood? No problem. She likes him? No, she doesn't? You're confused? Stop whinin'.

"Go now. In its U.S. Premiere before heading East and eventually to Broadway, where it is certain to be a megasmash that brings kids as well as dowagers into the theater, the Orpheum's wonderfully unselfconscious production is sharp and cutting edge now. Go before they polish it too much, and don't forget a cheer for the live orchestra. Bravo for Edward Scissorhands."

All right, all right again. So it isn't an excerpt, it's the whole thing. You're so picky this morning.