National Phlegm Centers

The Great Ducknik is in Stiletto City snuggling Baby I while The Great Plotnik is back in Saint Plotniko, getting over a cold. Thank you to everyone who made suggestions. Airborne (in Walgreen's it's WalBorn Gold) does work, at least to make you feel better fairly quickly. That's why you take it every three hours. The Great FiveHead's Tea Tree Oil remedy works to relieve that awful head-clogged congestion -- you run hot water in the sink, put five or six drops of Tea Tree Oil into the water, cover your head with a towel and get down there and breathe the oil-infused hot water into your sinuses. It's a beauty. Hanky G., the Zicam only works if you catch your cold before it starts, and how the hell do you do that?

Phleghm, as in getting rid of it. Wikipedia suggests lying on your bed like that stick dude above, and having somebody pound your back for five minutes twice a day.

The Great Plotnik thinks there ought to be National Phlegm Centers where people with colds go to hang out for the four or five days it takes to get rid of a cold. They're not going to do any good until they feel better, so why not just get rid of 'em for awhile? TGP volunteers to be on the first bus.