The Nonfunctional Borehole

Finally, an answer! On Line for Idiot's lead article yesterday was HOW TO ATTRACT A WOMAN! WOMEN LIKE MEN WHO LOOK LIKE THIS! That was enough to pique Plotnik's interest, since he's never been able to figure out what attracts women to men anymore than he can figure out why so many men seem to lose interest in their gorgeous wives, only to be attracted by the plastic fantastic bimbette at Hooters.

Now, thanks to OLI, we all know, at least from the female side. The answer is: If a woman was Daddy's Little Girl, she'll seek someone who looks just like Dad. If she did not get on well with her father, she'll look for someone who doesn't look at all like him.

Naturally, Plotnik started thinking about the guys (he has been aware of) to whom The Great BZWZ has appeared to be attracted. Early guy: not a bit like Plottie. High School Guy: Not a bit like Plottie. College guy: Not a bit like Plottie. This is not going well.

Or maybe -- could it be? -- the whole thing is simply another example of On Line For Idiots' mindless flesh-eating bacterial hooey. It's extraordinary. If you had millions of people reading your publication every day, wouldn't you like to inform them about something important, at least occasionally? Other than Paris Hilton's conversion to Shia Islam?

(The Great Plotnik predicts Paris Hilton, no matter how she felt about her father, will marry some guy who looks like Aristotle Onassis. You read it first here.)

Which is why Plottie was so happy to see BZWZ's comment on yesterday's entry about well meaning people forgetting to give water to their free flowers. She used the most wonderful phrase: Nonfunctional Boreholes.

Hopefully, BZ will tell us more about what it means (probably has to do with wells that were dug in Africa to seek water, but were not finished, or maintained enough to produce a consistent source of drinking water. Right?)

But it's just one of those combinations of words that smacks of Plotnikkie Theology. Plotnik is sure it will soon become part of the Orthodox Plotnikkie Service, and will be used on many other occasions too, starting now: Condoleeza Rice: Nonfunctional Borehole. On Line for Idiots: Nonfunctional Borehole. Bud Selig: Nonfunctional Borehole. Oooooh, this is fun.

The one downside is that Plotnik and Ducknik are leaving for Oaxaca in a few days, so that phrase, colorful as it is, is probably not something they want to be thinking about right now.

It's official, by the way: Plot and Duck miss their kids. There are 'way too many miles between all of us. We're back to the dreaded F word, spoken with a large whine: It's not Fair.