Yes, it Did Happen. Sigh.

It used to be more intimidating to see another plane that looks exactly like yours, right out the window, landing at the same time and same speed as you are. But these days, that's nothing. You need much more to scare a pro traveler.

Right? Flying down to Stiletto City last Friday, the following really did happen:

Just before takeoff, the new trainee flight attendant announced: "Please, we need to know if this person is on board. We have no record of him or her. I can't pronounce the name so I will spell it: A-C-H-M-E-D B-I-N A-C-H-M-E-D H-U-S-S-A-I-N. First name: V-I-T-A. If you are on board, please raise your hand."

OK, Plottie is exaggerating a bit about the name, but it was definitely not 'K-A-T-Z.'

V-I-T-A! It means 'life!' The perfect name for someone about to commit suicide to win eternal paradise! The genius of this name made Plotnik's stomach turn over. Would anyone answer the stewardess's call?

Yes! Plot and Duck were sitting over the wing. Somebody in the rear of the plane, WHERE BOMBERS ALWAYS SIT SO THEY'LL BE CLOSER TO THE BATHROOM, must have raised her hand, because the stewardess nodded her head and smiled and the purser said "OK, then. Have a safe flight." He got off the plane. Plot had to stay on.

Now, look. Plotnik knows he shouldn't even THINK about stuff like this anymore. He flies all the time, doesn't get nervous anymore, doesn't even think about it. But there you have it. Break the skin the tiniest bit and DAMN! Look what's still festering not very far down.

He had to find out for sure. But how best to do that, now that the plane was taxiing backwards? Well, he thought to himself, if someone is going to blow up a half-empty Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland to Burbank, they are probably going to want to get the best coverage, and that would happen in Stiletto City, wouldn't it? Who's going to even notice a little more wreckage in Oakland?

So he made himself sit still until the sit belt sign went off, then immediately got up and walked deliberately towards the back of the plane, searching for women in burkas with cartridge belts. Here? Nope. There? Nope. Sigh. There weren't any. There was one slightly-suspicious woman in the very last seat, but she wasn't really very suspicious looking at all and, anyway, she was sound asleep. If you're about to blow yourself up, you''ll stay awake. You'll sleep later.



Yes, Plottie can think crazy thoughts, but he found himself wondering whether or not other people, lots of other people, like, millions of other people are like this too? Is this the source of John McCain and Sarah Palin's popularity? Plain and simple almost-concealed subconscious fear?

By the way, did she really charge women in her town to have rape checkups? Somebody must have made that up. It's too impossible. Right?