What To Do On Father's Day

Before The Great Ducknik learned better, as Father's Day was approaching she used to say: "Honey? What would you like to do on Father's Day?"

Now she knows the answer would be:

"I want to wake up, squeeze some fresh orange juice, lace on my shoes and ride my bike down to the basketball court. I want to run around a few hours, then ride my bike back to the house. I want to take a shower and then make myself a latte and a toasted bagel with cream cheese, onion, tomato and sea salt sprinkled on top. Then I want to turn on the computer and mess around with absolutely no plans."

"But that's what you do every Sunday," Ducknik might have said, if she didn't already know better.

It's nice when every Sunday is like Father's Day, except that what makes today special is that Plotnik is likely to talk to both kids (even though both of them wished him Happy Father's Day early). He might even get to talk to Isabella. He will definitely call Mummy Plotnik and Schmeckl Plotnik, because they're the only two people left who knew Plotnik's father and two stepfathers, and those men deserve a Happy Father's Day too, wherever they are.

Actually, Plotnik knows exactly where they are: each one in a different cemetery in Stiletto City, Sherman in Hollywood, Harold in the North Valley, Chiefie in the East Valley. Isn't that crazy?

RINGGG - it's The Great PunkyDunky, calling from the bleachers at Citi Park, new home of the Mets. 5H surprised him with tickets to see the Mets play the Rays. As we're talking, he says WOOOO-OOOO-OOOOOH! as a foul ball comes within ten feet of them. "I can't talk anymore Dad, I love you, bye."

Isabella was briefly on the phone. "Happy Father's Day, Papa, I love you, Papa," she said, before the Cracker Jack box took her interest away. Wow. Now that's what Plotnik calls a great Father's Day present.