Ko, La Koo and the Hippie Bastard Shit

Yeah, we know, we know, you're sick of baby birds. But these sing! Or rather, being doves, they coo! Now that's a gorgeous sound to wake up to. And doesn't that nest look like a nice cozy place to live?

Mom and the babies appear to be doing well. Their names are Koo and La Koo. Put together this equals Koo La Koo, which for all Plotzer fans of long ago, will prompt delicious ice-cream-sandwich memories.

And coo they do. We're hoping they stick around a while longer, 'cause the neighborhood cats could never get to them in that little crevice where their apartment is.

Dad was spotted on the deck this morning, unless it was the rental agent. We hope they are paying their rent on time.

Got a call yesterday from The Great PD, who is discovering that the lovely apartment they've been living in, where the landlord lived upstairs and there were only the two families living in the building, is not the usual Big Apple Apartment Nightmare.

They are moving into a large apartment building with many tenants and an absentee landlord with a rental agent in South Brooklyn who knows or pretends to know little. The company has renovated the apartment but it sounds like they've done the absolute bare minimum required by law when it comes to electricity. This means large rooms with only two plugs. Welcome to the ol' New York Extension Cord Shuffle. Of course, high quality power strips with grounded gfi's now exist, thank goodness.

What Plotnik remembers most about living in the Shmapple is that every time it was really cold outside, he'd step into the shower and there'd be no hot water.

If he had to talk to the super, he was out, and the rental agent didn't answer his phone and the owner was a landholder corporation in Coral Gables.

The neighbors painted their apartment next door and their cockroaches climbed out of their apartment and through Plotnik's windows into his apartment. Their path went across his sofa. If Plotnik sat on the sofa, the cockroaches didn't even notice. They'd simply crawl up and over his legs as they moved to their new home in the indoor plant box where he had his avocado plant.

Do you know that boric acid does not even come close to working on New York cockroaches? New York cockroaches have entire recipe books, published by celebrity cockroach chefs, where boric acid is a prized ingredient. Being small, they like small plates. They prepare delicious tapas, like Free Range Avocado Plant Leaves with Boric Acid, Diatomaceous Earth and Raid Ragout.

Has Plotnik written about being hauled into court because his band was rehearsing in his apartment during the day? (Admittedly, he'd be pissed off too, now that is, not then.) You know, the part about where the accuser screams HIPPIE BASTARD SHIT at him for five full minutes in the courtroom before the judge can calm her down and dismiss the complaint?

Remind him to.

Ooooh, there they go. KOOOO! LA KOOOOO! Priceless.