Using the BINGO 12,000X CleanerUpper

BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO

BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO

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Yesterday's posting was just too filthy for something Plottie's Mom's housekeeper might read to her. But Meg Whitman annoys Plotnik SOOO much that he has decided to post it here anyway.

Fortunately, M & M Enterprises (Muddier and Murkier - The Great Plotnik's publisher) has recently taken possession of the new BINGO 12,000X CleanerUpper App. This should make things more family friendly.

The BINGO 12,000X is available for free from M & M Enterprises. Speak to Mr. Minderbinder.

(Incidentally, it is interesting to note that the BINGO 12,000X appears to ban the word 'balls' but accepts the words 'testicle' and 'shmuck.' Like we say, it's in Beta.)

---TGP

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The Day Before Election Day

"Hello?"

Pause. Pause.

"Hello, Mr. Plotnik."

"Uh, Hello?"

"...This is Meg Whitman. I am running for Governor of the State of California. I..."

"Well, I'll be BINGO'd."

"...my record...right wing...hate immigrants..."

"Meg, you are a three dollar skanky BINGO."

"...my accomplishments...balanced budget..."

"Meg, your BINGO is as wide as The Nimitz Freeway. You could drive a tractor trailer in there and never lose power."

"...business woman...led a major Fortune Five Hundred Company..."

"Meg, I despise you. You smell like dead rodents. BINGO you, BINGO."

"...so I hope I can count on your support this Tuesday. God Bless America."

"You can count on me not giving a BINGO, Whitman. Eat me."

SLAM

"Who was that, Dear?" The Duck says.

"A recording. Meg BINGOing Whitman," I say.

"Barack Obama called me yesterday," Duck says.

RING

"Hello?"

Pause Pause

"Who is it this time?"

"Hello. This is Steve Poizner. I am running for Governor of the State of..."

"You Republican BINGOsucker. You guys lick scum off the bottoms of toilet seats."

"When I am Governor, I will..."

"You won't do BINGO, Poizner BINGOhead. Whitman's gonna wipe your BINGO with a garden claw."

"I fully support Arizona's immigration reform. Did you know Illegals seldom brush their teeth? Illegals..."

"Who waters your lawn, you RICHARD? Who services your limo? Who picks your strawberries? Who BINGOs your wife when your back is turned?"

"The liberals are destroying this country and..."

"You are destroying me, shmuck. Who would dream a Jew could be so BINGOing stupid? You're breaking my heart as well as my BINGOs."

"So I hope I can count on your support this coming Tuesday..."

"You can count on me, Testicle Breath. I won't vote for you OR the goy. I would rather have 200 year old Jerry Brown. (Cartman Voice): You can suck my BINGOs."

SLAM

"Was that Poizner, Dear?" Duck says.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"You wouldn't say 'Testicle Breath' to Meg Whitman."

"This is actually getting to be fun."

"It's too bad the election is tomorrow, huh?"

RING

"Whoopee! HELLO, BINGOHOLE! WHAT THE HELL USELESS BULLBINGO DO YOU WANT NOW?

"Mr. Plotnik, this is Gavin Newsom. I am running for..."

"Newsom? You SMALL POINTED PUNCTURE? Why the hell should I vote for your useless HINDQUARTERS?"

"As Lieutenant Governor I promise to..."

"You promised to clean up Market Street, dipwad. Been down there lately? The Tenderloin smells like a urinal. Tourists from CalBINGOingCutta have to hold back the puke."

"It is important to give your voice to our social agenda..."

"By the way I saw your ex, that Guilfoyle broad, on TV the other day in Boston. Nice HINDQUARTERS."

"Only the Democratic Party is capable of..."

"Democrats? Like Frank Jordan, remember him? In the shower before the election with a bottle of scotch shoved up his BINGO? You guys suck almost as bad as the Republicans."

"So I hope I can count on your support..."

"Support this, Plumpjack. I'll vote for you just to get you the hell out of town. Bring back Willie "Deep Pockets" Brown. At least he had some class."

SLAM

"Honey, you need some lunch."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. You're getting scary."

RING

"HELLO WHAT THE BINGO DO YOU WANT?"

"Hi Dear, this is your mother."

"...................oh. Hi, Mom."

"Are you busy?"

"Well, yes. Kind of."

BEEP BEEP

"Mom, can you hold on? The other line is ringing."

"I..."

BEEP

"Hello WHO THE GOD LOVING BINGO IS THIS?"

"Hello, Mr. Plotnik. This is famous actress Perky PECHOS. I have no brain."

"Perky, I've got my Mom on the other line. Can you call back in nine years?"

"All of us famous bubbleheaded BINGOs are supporting Senator..."

"See ya, Perky."

BEEP

"Mom, are you there?"

"Yes."

"How are you, Mom?"

"Awful. My phone doesn't stop ringing. It's all those political recordings."

BEEP BEEP

"Hold on, Mom?"

BEEP

"HELLO WADDAYA WANT?"

Pause Pause

"Hello Mr. Plotnik Jew Bastard. Dis is Osama Bin Laden. I love Democrats."

"Hey, Osama. How's the mold in your BINGOing cave? Still dating that goat? Adios."

BEEP

"Hi, Mom. Are you still there?"

"One second, Honey. I'm talking to FDR."