The Great Plotnik

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

A Very Little Tea, Please

Let's hope we don't celebrate today with too much tea.

Baseball season is mercifully over. Our hometown Saint Plotniko BrainDead Caribbeans, aka the San Francisco Giants, are Champions of the baseball world. Plot could hear sirens and a few fireworks and some cars honking their horns down there by the downtown skyline last night, but nobody burned down the Mission. We're just not in the same league with Philadelphia or Detroit.

For a Plotzer fan, this should be a tough one to swallow, but it isn't. Plotnik's current home city is so far superior to anywhere else in the baseball world that a victory for this city is a victory for everyone lucky enough to get to live here. Even a diehard Plotzer fan has to realize that.

And the Giants beat Texas. GHWB, Barbara Bush and GWB were in the front row box last night, getting their asses handed to them on a bratwurst bun. How good is that!

As you can tell, Plotnik is trying hard to convince himself that the Giants winning the World Series is not equivalent to Pearl Harbor or The Cowboys winning the Super Bowl.

Speaking of potential disasters, today is Election Day. So the robocalls can finally stop. Plot heard from Susan Sarandon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Joe Montana and at least ten others yesterday, but he never really got beyond their names. Doesn't this suggest to you that the candidates have too much money left over? Do you think there is one person whose vote has ever been swayed by a tape recorded message? Does anyone get past hearing who it is before hanging up?

Now, if it had been Aubrey Huff or Tim Lincecum or Osama bin Laden, maybe.

This BrainDead team reminds Plotnik of the 1988 Plotzers, who had no real stars but very good pitching, plus journeymen like Mickey Hatcher who had the playoff series of their lives. It may suit Giant fans to remember the Plotzers haven't won a damned thing since.

We vote today for Governor, for U.S. Senator, and Attorney General, and Lieutenant Governor and a jillion propositions, not just a few of which have only been placed on the ballot to confuse the voters and cancel out another proposition opposed to the first one. There's so much to get mad at with this system of hard-assed non-compromising losers from whom you are supposed to choose. If you like anybody you're voting for, ANYBODY at all, you're a step ahead of Plotnik, who is voting against people he dislikes across the board.

Does he think Jerry Brown will be a good governor? Oh, hell no, but he'll be a lot better than obscene Meg Moneybags. Does he think Barbara Boxer deserves to be Senator again? Maybe, maybe not. But Snarly Fiorina definitely does not deserve to be a United States Senator.

Plot is voting to legalize pot. Sure it's a bad law and will be thrown out. So what? What we have now doesn't work and everyone knows it. Maybe the city can make some money and reopen a few libraries.

Plot is voting to make MUNI negotiate in the real world. They had their chance. Screw 'em now.

Plot isn't sure about a lot of other election stuff. But he knows one thing: it's only four months until Spring Training.


At 1:19 PM, Blogger mary ann said...

Snarly Fiona, good one! Thanks for celebrating the Great Win...


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